Inexplicable Forces
by OneNewQuill
Summary: Gossip Girl here-looks like all of our favorite Upper Eastsiders have grown up. What have they made of their lives and what's to come? One thing's for sure, it's never bound to be dull. You know you love me, XOXO GG"
1. Prologue

**Inexplicable Forces**

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gossip Girl characters…but I sure wish I was creative enough to have thought of them first!_

Hi everyone! This is a first for me so hopefully it goes well and you love it! It'll be long but I will do my best to make it worth it! Expect an epic tale set in the future about all our favorites…hopefully it's not too predictable!

_Note: flashbacks are italicized_

_**Update (4/7/9): Hope you're all enjoying the story so far...as a head's up, I always forget to mention, but all the chapters may have spoilers for the TV series-and please, review me...I love hearing from you all!!!**_

_**Update (4/13/09): So, in re-reading some old chapters, I realized that some changes I've made along the story had some earlier contradictions! My bad...that's why I revamped (slightly) chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 11, and 16...plus hopefully a new chapter to come soon!! Enjoy!  
**_

**Prologue**

_"I am so proud of you" he murmured against her lips. She smiled and pulled away slightly, taking in the flawless summer night surrounding them, wondering to herself if things could get any better than this. Here she was, walking on the streets of her fantastic city, coming home from a night that lauded her accomplishments with praise, laughter, and a fabulous four-course meal, and she had the man of her dreams on her arm. She couldn't help herself…she just had to do it-so she began to skip and twirl in her Manolos, singing and giggling with joy. He looked at her and felt his heart melt-after everything, she was his. "My dear Nathaniel," she began "can you believe it? I am officially an Ivy-educated, residency trained, full-fledged M.D.!" She continued to hop along the street. "Well, it was me that practically forced you to take the SAT all those years ago-where would you be without me?" Nate joked as he jogged a little to catch up with her. "V, I love you so much and I really couldn't be more proud or lucky to have you…" He trailed off as he watched her dance without abandon. This was why he loved her-his Vanessa and her kooky ways. She continued to dance, unaware of Nate's intense focus…and she failed to notice him reaching for something as she asked "could this night be any more perfect?" She completed another turn and stopped on a dime when she saw him-he was on one knee with the most beautiful ring she had ever seen outstretched to her. "I don't know V-can it?"_

**_Please review me ;-)_**


	2. One

**One**

Blair Waldorf eyed the elegant invitation sitting open at the edge of her perfectly manicured desk and tried to squash the twinge of jealousy she felt. _Well, it could have been me_, she thought to herself, happy that after all these years she could at least replace the word "_should_" with "_could_." Fourteen years ago, as they began their third year of prep school, Blair still had herself convinced she would be the woman calling herself Mrs. Archibald, even though she was pretty sure she knew even then that her and Nate were never destined for each other the way she had always thought. She was immensely grateful to herself that she didn't end up finding a way to convince herself to settle but she still felt that guilty pang of envy. Nate would have been a perfect husband-boring, totally not for her, but incredibly nice and perfect. It was too bad she didn't love _him_. Nate, as it turned out though, was also a perfect friend and she was glad she at least allowed herself to keep him in her life. He was one of a very select group that she had actually let be privy to her life after Constance Billard. Well, at least some of it she thought to herself. She sighed as she toyed with the response card. She had to admit that despite wishing she was the one happily reporting her pending nuptials, she was very happy for them-it had taken him forever, but after some diversions off the path he was meant to take, Nate had finally gotten his head out of the sand and proposed to Vanessa. They were, as she had realized many years ago, meant for each other. She had even come to love Vanessa and call her friend despite their rocky first years around one another. Blair was guiltily able to admit how much of a witch she'd been in her teen years and was proud of who she had become. True, she still knew how to manipulate and snipe when necessary, but her life experiences showed her just how important it was to give people a chance even if something on the outside seemed unattractive. She smiled to herself proudly as she realized how unimportant her youthful vanity had become and knew that even though she was still rolling in it, her love of money had dwindled. Maybe it was because she had actually began earning the money she was so easily given from her fateful birth into the Waldorf name and maybe it was because she had an appreciation for what money could do for those around you. Maybe it was just because she'd had so many disappointments she realized that her money was no good when it came to what really mattered. She dropped the response card and looked around her office, her view of the Eiffel Tower magnificent. France had been good to her-she was never questioned about her past and no one knew her well, not even her assistants. Her ever faithful Dorota, who insisted on helping her once she moved and never left, was the only one on the continent that knew the real Blair, old and new. She had been glad when her mother announced four years ago that Eleanor Waldorf Designs Inc. was opening a European headquarters in Paris. She decided to put her MBA to use and her mother had hired her as CFO for the new division. She was sure that Eleanor had some ulterior motives in whisking her away but she was more than pleased to escape the spotlight of the Upper East Side given her status at the time. Four years had flown by and her she was, the women she never knew or dreamed she'd be at nearly 31. As she continued to drift in her thoughts the harsh buzz of her intercom broke through.

"Mademoiselle Waldorf?" a heavily accented voice chimed "There is a call from a Mademoiselle Van Der Woodsen on line four-may I put her through?"

"Yes Brigitte, I'll take the call" she replied, excited to hear from Serena again so soon and excited to share some news.

"Oh my goodness!" Serena exclaimed once on the line "I'm getting to talk to you two whole times in one week!"

Blair laughed. "Ok, so maybe I'm a _little_ busy from time to time. That's why I gave you the personal line though-but you always seem to call this one!"

"I know, I know, but I just can't get over your official business office-y stuff-it's too much fun to hear all your titles and such" Serena giggled. "I am just calling to see if you got your invite to the wedding and if you think you're going…New York is a long way for just a weekend, especially this close to Fashion Week. I'm sure N and V would understand if you couldn't make it…" She trailed off. "..and if you think it might be awkward around Chu..."

"No, not at all," Blair cut her off, a little too hastily. She took a breath and calmly added "I have been milling the event in my head all day-so yes, and it should be easier when I mov…"

Serena jumped in and in a shrill voice reminiscent of their teen years shrieked "I AM SO EXCITED-I feel like I never get to see you or the babies!! When will you come in so I can see them…and you of course"

Blair smiled "S, I think that with birthday number four steadily approaching, you can't keep calling them babies!"

"I know B, but I rarely see you guys and so I keep pretending they are just staying the same cute little twins they were when they were born." Serena sighed "Really though, when are you going to fly in-I can't wait and I want to meet you at the tarmac! Besides, we need to work out the details about the clinic-Vanessa and I are getting everything ready now that we're officially done with residency. I know we'll have to do a lot over teleconference since the wedding isn't for another six weeks and you won't be in until then, but at least at that point everything with the zoning people should be done and you can see the building."

"Actually Serena, I think I'll be available to discuss things in person, likely even next week" She could hear Serena begin to bubble with anticipation again so she hurried in as her eyes settled on the box of things she'd began to pack up off her desk. "Before you cut me off again, I was about to say something. I've really been thinking and now I know-I'm ready."

Serena's excitement turned serious as she gasped. "Are you sure?" she asked tentatively, hardly believing what her best friend was saying.

"I am," Blair said definitively. "I'm coming home."


	3. Two

**Two**

Dan Humphrey was zoning out. "Well, at least tuning out," he muttered to himself as he slowly drifted back into reality. His agent Tom was loudly arguing with someone on the phone, likely someone at the publisher's office, and the din of the restaurant was becoming a little too boisterous to ignore given the lunch rush had slowly started to trickle in. Dan took a long sip of his water and sighed. This meeting was already running longer than he suspected and he knew that if he didn't find a way out soon he'd be stuck nitpicking with Tom for hours about the same crap they'd already spent half the morning trying to come to an agreement on. He was exhausted. He'd been away on a book tour for almost a week and now he was stuck here, straight off his flight. Guilt was starting to creep in about how long he'd been away from _her_ and he felt the urge to make a break for home coming on strongly. A raised voice pierced his thoughts. "Well," Tom gritted through his teeth into the phone, "that's the reason I'm here spending my life's savings on an unnecessarily extravagant meal with him. We're trying to work it out so we're all happy, so if you would please stop calling me to baby-sit the process we could maybe make some headway." He slammed the phone down on the table and took a calming breath. "Dan, old buddy, old pal," Tom began, his voice belying the fatigue he was feeling after weeks of dealing with the issue. "Come on-can we please do something to make the bigwigs happy?" Dan smiled weakly. He really did like Tom and felt bad for the position he had put his agent in but he couldn't budge-not on this anyway. "Maybe we can promise them a deal on another novel-I'll sign a contract to have it done within six months and start working right away," Dan offered, knowing that his publishers had already turned down something very similar twice. "What the hell is the big deal anyway Dan?" Tom said exasperated. "I really don't understand ultimately why this is a problem." Dan could feel himself beginning to get angry. "Tom, we've been over why this is a problem and frankly _I _don't understand why _you_ can't get it and why you continue to insist drawing out the issue. Beside, the deal is done and out in the public eye-if they didn't like the ground rules for this one they should never have agreed to move forward with it in the first place." Tom started to say something but stopped and groaned. "You do realize" he began, his eyes softening, "that this is why no other agent will work with you." Dan grinned. "You wouldn't have me any other way." With a small laugh Tom added "Maybe not, but when I die young from ulcers and heart attacks, you'll be sorry." Dan looked at his friend and shrugged his shoulders. "This isn't the first time I've given you a hard time about a book. I know you can make this work." He was about to add more when the phone rang. "Them again?" Dan asked, irritated at the idea of having to dwell more on the issue. "Yeah, it'll just be a second…Hello, Tom Rockf…no we haven't…well, Rome wasn't built in a day…" Dan began to stare into space again, drowning out the new round of heated conversation around him. He checked his watch for the umpteenth time that morning and decided he was done for the day. Tom saw Dan gathering his things and hurriedly excused himself from the call. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he asked flustered. "It's barely been two hours and we hardly got anywhere this morning since you were too busy visiting la-la land. You've been gone a week and we need to address this now…" Dan cut him off before he could get any further. "I've told you before Tom, with things the way there are right now, you could have me today for two hours, three at most." Tom moaned. "Is this about Violet? What gives Dan? She's not alone you know. Hell, you could bring her for all I care." Dan sighed. "I know that," he started, "but I've been so busy and have put her on the backburner too much already, let alone having her here isn't exactly quality time. I adore and miss her way too much to waste time with her right now to argue about stuff like this all day. Talk to the publishers and see what concessions they can make and then we'll talk." Tom swilled the last bit of whiskey in his highball glass and sighed. "Dan, if you weren't such a genius, I'd question if you were worth it. Be waiting for a call-and after all of this, I expect a fat Christmas bonus…and Thanksgiving bonus, and Halloween bonus…"

* * *

Dan unlocked the door to his penthouse and smiled. The guilt of being away from Violet began to slip away as he called out "I'm home!!!" "Dan!" came a chipper voice from the other room. A beautiful blonde appeared from the hallway. "Jenny?!" Dan excitedly shouted as he was nearly knocked over by his sister, her hug overly energetic despite the small curly brown-haired package on her hip. Jenny began to ramble "I know I'm early and you just got back and if you're not ready for me yet I can get a room somewhere for a few nights, but I just couldn't wait. Between fashion week, V's wedding, and missing all of you guys like crazy I figured some extra time could never hurt." She embraced him tightly, and he realized how much he'd missed his sister. "You know, I think you should kick her out for being _soooo_ rude," came a voice jokingly from the other room. "I don't know Dad, maybe you're right," Dan teased, as their father joined them in the living room, holding a blanket and pacifier. Dan added "Thanks by the way for staying here this week Dad-I'm sorry I took so long this morning though…" With a wave of his hand, Rufus dismissed Dan's concern. "No explanations necessary-what is family for?" Dan turned to Jenny and relieved her of the infant in her arms. He looked into the smiling little girl's big brown eyes and cooed. "My sweet little Violet, Daddy is sorry he was gone so long but he's home."


	4. Three

**Three**

Serena Van Der Woodsen sighed as she entered the door of the coffee shop. She hated when Vanessa wanted to meet here, especially because V would inevitably be late per usual leaving Serena far too much time alone to reflect on all the memories this place held. Her only small consolation was bittersweet. Over the years the shop had added a section for books and poetry. On the one hand, this was fantastic for distracting her from waxing nostalgic. Too often though, it only served to complicate her feelings more since the very subject of her recollections had his name plastered all over any place someone wanted to actually sell books. She wasn't surprised during med school when the name Dan Humphrey started working its way back into her life, bookstore after bookstore, glaring at her from the "what's new" table as she'd worm her way back to the textbook shelves. She was even less shocked when he became an overnight sensation and continued his popularity through the years. She had even laughed when she tried to order a book online once and one of his novels had shown up in her "we think you'd also enjoy…" section. It was undeniable how talented he was, even back in prep school when he'd shared his early work with her. Though she'd never admit it, she still sometimes pulled out the original copy of the story he'd written for her and treasured the fact that something by this world-renowned writer had been meant just for her. However, despite her feelings of good will for his success, all Serena had ever wanted to do was forget about a one Dan Humphrey, a feat made harder every time she saw his books on shelves, name in the papers, or face on morning talk shows. _There is a reason that I'm done with him,_ she silently scolded herself, angry she continued to let him occupy her thoughts as much as he did. A new display was smartly set up at the front of the coffee shop's book section and she frowned as she walked over. There was his latest offering, an epic tear-jerker about a father and his dying wishes for her troubled son. It had been hailed as a hit and only a few copies were left littered on the stand. She was about to pick one up and self-torture some more when she noticed another set of freshly minted books on a table nearby. The author was not one she recognized-someone named J.D. Smith-but the cover intrigued her somehow. It was plain black with a little broken heart drawn in the corner and was titled _The Forbidden Letters_. Glad to have a reverie from her thoughts, she reached for a copy and opened the jacket, somewhat taken aback to find no author's bio. "How curious" she muttered softly as she flipped to the opening page and began to read…

_**Preface**_

_I am just a man. I found a woman. She was bright and witty, beautiful and kind. She was the woman of men's dreams. I was just a man lucky enough to find her-so I did what everyone thought was right (and what I thought I wanted) and I married her. She was mine. Trouble was, I was never hers. I had already taken another lover…or at least my heart had. Foolishly I thought my wife could make me forget her and all our pain and passion._

_I was wrong._

_After what I've been through before, I do not believe in divorce. So I stayed with my wife. I was fond of her and she was fond of me. We were comfortable and almost truly happy._

_Until she found the letters._

"Sorry I'm late!" Vanessa boomed, causing Serena to jump out of her enraptured state. "Gosh V, you scared the crap out of me," Serena chided, closing the book with a start. Vanessa peered curiously at the hardcopy in Serena's hand. "Serena," she started with a mildly warning tone, "you aren't looking at one of Dan's books again, are you?" Serena defensively flashed the book at Vanessa to prove her innocence and smiled weakly. "No suffering for me today, aside from having to come to this place again," Serena quipped, letting Vanessa feel the effects of her words. Vanessa's face softened. "I'm so sorry S-I always forget what this place does to you. I promise I'll try to remember next time. Let's get out of here and discuss the clinic plans somewhere else." Serena knew her face showed her relief and she started to turn to leave when she realized she was still holding the book. "Um, V, just one second," she said as she headed to the register. The book was just too intriguing to leave behind. _Beside_, she thought to herself as she handed the barista her credit card, _someone else's weepy love problems is just the "vacation" I need to keep me out of my own head for a little while._

_

* * *

  
_

At home later that evening, Serena pulled out her purchase from the coffee house and laid it on the table, ready to jump back into her earlier distraction after she got something to eat. Her thoughts replayed the day and she sighed as she remembered Vanessa's gentle reminder to her as they wrapped up their meeting. "He's going to be at the wedding Serena-are you going to be ok?" Serena had just smiled at her friend and made a joke about being a grown up who could spend a half a day with an ex-boyfriend if it meant free food and a bouquet toss. Her acting was getting better…even she'd almost believed that her past with Dan was as simple as that. She sighed as she loaded a pre-made lasagna into her oven. Vanessa had always done an excellent job of being a friend to both her and Dan without judgment to either one, not surprising given that she didn't know nearly the whole story. She respected Serena's wishes to leave Dan out of conversations and had mostly been successful at not announcing what was going on in his life. There were only two times she had slipped up. One was about five years ago during her fourth year and Serena's third year at medical school when she gave Serena a head's up that she was being excused from a weekend call on their shared OB/GYN rotation. Serena nagged at Vanessa for days to find out what was so important that she was lucky enough to miss a boring weekend at the hospital with her and she only had herself to blame when Vanessa finally caved in. "_Dan's getting married and I'm in the wedding party_" was her clipped answer. Serena had waved it off and told Vanessa she was happy for him. Truthfully, she felt like she was suffocating. She had been shocked at her reaction, realizing that after all those years she still thought they'd have their happy ending. The only other slip up was a few months back, but it was a doozy. They were out shopping for shoes for Vanessa's wedding dress and Serena could sense her distraction all the way down Fifth Avenue. Finally, when V picked a black dress to try on instead of focusing on Manolos and Loubitains, Serena inquired as to what was wrong. Vanessa broke into tears in the middle of Bendel's, mumbling incoherently about how she didn't feel right getting shoes for a wedding when what she really needed a dress for a funeral. Serena finally got her to calm down and gently prodded her for details, her curiosity getting the best of her. Regrettably, Vanessa, in her weakened state, decided to share. "_Dan's wife died_!" she bawled. "_Now he's all alone, with a four month old to care for none the less!_" Vanessa again dissolved into a puddle of tears, crying for her oldest friend's loss. Serena absently patted her back to comfort her, but was reeling from the news herself. Dan was 30 and a widower. She could feel her heart breaking for him all over again. Further yet, he had a baby with _her_. As she held Vanessa on the dressing room floor, she couldn't help the guilty feeling she was having, her head screaming at her how it should have been her baby with him and how different both of their lives were supposed to be. The oven dinged and brought Serena back to reality. She wiped the tears that were pricking at her eyes and tried to calm down her racing mind. She had been dangerously close to playing the blame game with herself again and she knew just how unhealthy it was. After eating some of the cheesy store-bought dinner, she sat down and opened her new book. Soon, her emotional day took its toll, and she slipped into a deep, thankfully dreamless sleep.


	5. Four

**Four**

Nate glanced down at his watch in frustration as he waited for the light to turn green. He hated to be late, especially for something as important as the final fitting of his tux. His busy schedule had barely allowed this small chunk of time to be allotted and he just could not reschedule. The light finally turned and he raced the rest of the way to the shop. As he entered the private fitting salon, he was relieved to find that Dan was already being fitted and slowly relaxed into a plush armchair. As Nate caught Dan up to speed on his tardiness, a confident voice belonging to only one man chimed in. "You actually clean up pretty well Humphrey." Dan looked over his shoulder from the tailor's pedestal and quipped sarcastically. "Well, now my life is complete-a compliment from _the_ Chuck Bass-I can now say I've really lived." Chuck smirked a little at the hint of mockery and settled into a seat nearby. Nate could only smile, still slightly shocked how there had ever come a day when they could all be in a room together civilly. It had taken years of arguing, growing up, and sometimes painstaking encounters, but all three St. Jude's men had finally come to develop a mutual respect for one another and even counted themselves friends. As he looked at the two men bantering, he was proud to have them by his side for his big event. He was brought back to reality as Dan stepped down from the tailor's pedestal and tapped him on the shoulder. "Sorry to bust into your dream-world," Dan started, "but it's your turn next, Mr. Groom." Nate chuckled and went to change. When he returned and took his place in front of the mirrors, he sighed as the small Italian tailor began to work. "Can you guys believe that this is finally happening?" Nate asked, unable to hide his smile. "After all this time, V and I will finally be together." His friends laughed as he continued his goofy grin and the three easily melted into a conversation about weddings and more importantly, wedding nights. The casual chat was broken as Nate's secretary burst into the salon, looking frantic and carrying a huge manila envelope. She quietly whispered something to him and ducked back out as quickly as she had come. Nate waved the tailor off for a moment and opened the package. As he scanned the documents, his face blanched. He thought he was going to vomit. "This can't be happening…" he slowly said as tears threatened to fall down his cheeks. In an instant, both Dan and Chuck were by his side, just as distraught over seeing Nate so visibly upset. He smiled weakly at his friends, thankful for their support. "I'll explain later," he choked out. He took a deep breath. "For now, let's just get this done quickly," he continued with less confidence than he would have hoped for, "I have something I need to take care of immediately."

* * *

As the music hummed unnoticed in the background, Nate fumed quietly, his emotions having quickly turned from shock to anger. He couldn't believe he, a lawyer himself, had let this massive detail go unchecked. After giving a quick explanation to Chuck and Dan about his epic blunder with a promise of more detail later, he had jetted from the fitting, and was now urgently weaving his Range Rover through the streets of Manhattan. He pulled up to a refined building not far from Central Park and bee-lined for the elevator. As he entered, some of his anger was replaced by sadness, and he frowned slightly as he pushed the button for the top floor. On the way up, he allowed himself a minute to pine over the penthouse he was slowly ascending to, his first major purchase after he amassed his own fortune outside of the shame of his family name, a penthouse he never even got to inhabit himself. The elevator signaled he had reached his destination and he stepped out onto the cold granite floors, sterile and new since the last time he'd been by. He was greeted by the sight of a voluptuous redhead locked in an impatient embrace with a man Nate could only assume was her personal trainer. "Ah, Isobel, still being inappropriate at inappropriate times with inappropriate men I see," Nate calmly said, slightly pleased at startling her. She unwound from the man she was with and dismissed him without introduction to the kitchen for some water, her face failing to hide her displeasure at seeing Nate. "And you're still showing up unannounced," Isobel spat, clearly flustered at the sight of him. Nate took a deep breath and started to speak in a warning tone. "This has gone on long enough," he began. "I have worked too hard and given up too much for you to go through this again." She feigned surprise as she coyly asked what the problem was. Nate exploded. "You know damn well! We're still married!" He quickly cut himself off. After apologizing for his outburst, he gently but firmly took her by the arm to a nearby chaise and tossed her the envelope and a pen. "Now sign it," he said, with more composure than he expected. Isobel tried to hide the defeated look in her eyes but failed. "Nate," she began quietly, "I don't want to hurt you but I just can't." Nate stepped back again, regaining his fury anew. "You don't want to hurt me?" he asked incredulously. "You should have thought about that before then…"

_The elevator slowly climbed to the twelfth floor of the lavish apartment complex and Nate whistled as the numbers passed by. His day had been fantastic-the firm he was interning at had officially offered him a position after graduation at their New York division, giving him all the permission he needed to finalize the purchase of the penthouse in Manhattan that Isobel had fallen in love with when visiting a friend recently. As he unlocked the door to his place, he headed straight for Isobel's study, eager to surprise her with his news. In the buzz of excitement, he failed to notice the warning signs that something wasn't as it should be and he was not prepared as he threw open the doors. She clearly was not ready for him to be home early. There she was, sprawled over her desk, in the throes of passion with the junior partner from the very firm Nate had just accepted a position at. Panicked, Isobel threw the man off of her and reached for anything to hide her indecency, frantically saying anything she thought she could to remedy what she could not undo. Nate just coldly turned away. As he began to leave, he stopped into the room of their sleeping five month old daughter, scooped her up and left without returning again. Over the grueling months to follow, Nate discovered that he had not caught her in her first indiscretion and, after her eventually-proven-to-be-false claim that their daughter might not even be his, an epic battle began- he in an attempt to rid his life of her, she in a desperate attempt to hold on…_

Isobel's eyes looked up at him from the chaise, deep pools mixed with hurt and malice. "So here's where it finally ends then, me bullied into signing away the love of my life," she said icily, every touch of warmth diminished as she was forced to relive why they were apart to begin with. "I'm getting married in four days Isobel-this needs to be done _now_. No more games. Beside," Nate continued, "you've had more than six years to get used to the fact that we're through." She scowled as she picked up the pen and scrawled her elegant signature on the line above Nate's. As she handed him the document, she bitterly laughed. "There, I officially relinquish you to your perfect little bride. Now you two can now live happily ever after." Nate sighed with relief and looked at Isobel with gratitude. "I know this was hard, but it's for the best." Glad to be getting out with minimal verbal bruising on either's part, Nate grabbed the rest of the documents and was about to leave as the elevator opened. "Daddy!" a voice excitedly rang, as a bubbly little girl left her nanny's side and bounded over to him. "I didn't think I would see you until Friday!" she said as she threw her arms around him. Nate couldn't contain his smile as he picked up his little girl and gave her a kiss. "My sweet Olivia," Nate started as he placed her back on her feet. "Daddy was just here for a quick visit, but I can't wait to see you at the rehearsal banquet. Now be a good girl and go get ready for bed" Olivia gave him a peck on the cheek and with the exchange of "I love you's" and a promise of seeing him again soon, she skipped up the stairs, followed by her nanny. Nate glared at Isobel. "Really? You know, the whole point of shared custody is so you can spend time with Olivia when you're around, not so you just send her away so you can have spend your very little 'free time' with your 'friend' in the kitchen." Nate headed for the exit as he added dryly "I think you can forget a 'Mother-of-the-Year' award anytime soon." Without letting her respond, he entered the elevator and pressed for the lobby. As the door closed, he failed to hear his soon-to-be-ex-wife mutter "You're not through with me yet, Nathaniel Archibald…just you wait and see."


	6. Five

**Five**

Vanessa inhaled deeply the scent of lavender surrounding her. She was hoping that lighting the relaxation candles would sooth her nerves as she readied herself for the rehearsal later in the evening. Her rehearsal. For her _wedding_. It still seemed so foreign. In a little over 24 hours, she would finally be Mrs. Nathaniel Archibald, a title she felt had taken forever to get to. With a number of failed attempts under their proverbial belts, God had finally smiled on the star-crossed pair 5 years ago and they settled into a relationship that everyone around them envied. Vanessa couldn't wait to be Nate's wife or step-mother to Olivia, having come to love her as her own. Coupled with the fact that the clinic she had jointly developed with Serena was well underway to being open for business, she felt her life couldn't get any better. There still seemed to be something off though. She couldn't put her finger on why, but she couldn't shake the feeling that something very bad was about to happen. Serena had called earlier to find out when she should be by to pick her up and Vanessa had confided her suspicions. Chalking it up to superstition, Serena had laughed off the complaint as last-minute jitters. She recalled Serena's giggle as she gave her reasoning why. "V," she had started, "your sub-conscious probably just can't believe that it's finally here." Vanessa sighed as she sat back in front of her mirror, completing her make-up and hair mindlessly, and began to wonder if she wasn't just being a little silly. Sure, there had been the very large hiccup when, three days ago, Nate had to explain that he was still married. The issue had been resolved though, and after pulling some strings with a judge that owed him a favor, the documents had already been processed. She resigned herself to the fact that if that bump in the road could be smoothed over that quickly, nothing could ruin her evening. She was blowing out the candles when she heard a chime at the door. Rushing to the small screen near her dressing room door she saw Serena's cheerful face light up the view and buzzed her friend in. Within seconds, Serena was hugging her, further solidifying her resolve to have a good night. As she continued to finish dressing, Serena commented on how lovely the redecorating of the brownstone was looking. "You still have your touch V-even the grueling days of med school couldn't beat it out of you!" Vanessa laughed, relieved to have a non-wedding topic to distract her. "Well, it was such a surprise when Nate bought this place back-I thought it might have too many sad memories for him." Vanessa smiled as she remembered the day he'd told her he had bought back his childhood home for them…

"_Sweetheart, I have a surprise," Nate said coyly to her over the table. After popping the question on their walk, they were out for ice cream, celebrating her newly minted left ring finger. "Another one?" Vanessa asked incredulously, still captivated by the gorgeous ring he'd had designed perfectly for her. Nate handed her another small box, wrapped in a velvet ribbon. "I was pretty positive what your answer would be," he started, "so I thought I could take the risk and make a move on something else crucial to starting our life together." She gingerly unwrapped the ribbon, anxious to see just what he meant. Inside was a shiny key with an address tagged on the ring. She gasped. "Nate, this is your old place. Where you grew up…I mean, how did you…" He grinned, so pleased to see her reaction. "The owners that took it over after the repossession were willing to sell it back to me. See, nostalgia can still work wonders." The key glinted in her hand and tears sprung to her eyes. "Nate, are you sure? I know how much you loved this house and how much it hurt when you had to give it up…we can always start somewhere new." Then he said something she knew she'd never forget. "V, that home is meant for us. For us to make it new, make it ours." _

He had taken her over to the brownstone that night and told her it was hers to live in until the wedding. "_It needs to have some Vanessa-touch before we can call it home,_" he said as he held her in the center of the very room she now stood. She sighed as she finished zipping her dress and looked to Serena for a final ok on her appearance. Serena smiled in approval. "V, you look fantastic. Nate will wonder why he didn't get to this sooner!" As the two friends locked up and headed for the town car, Vanessa barely remembered her worries from earlier, and by the time she pulled up to the church, she was ready for an evening of love and levity.


	7. Six

**Six**

The evening was going beautifully and Chuck couldn't help but feel envy for his childhood friend. As he sipped on his champagne, he watched Nate and Vanessa swaying to the music, acutely aware of how much love they had for each other. Lost in his brooding, he was unprepared as a little blonde in a sparkly dress plopped into his lap, tugging a large book. "Uncle Chuck," the sweet girl pled, "please read me a story. Daddy and 'Nessy's party is nice, but it is a little boring." Chuck melted, showing a warmth very few had ever seen from the often distant billionaire. "My dearest Olivia, I have a far better idea." With that, he swept up his "niece" and carried her off to the dance floor. Tickled at the idea of joining the grown-ups dancing, she giggled with delight. The two were "waltzing" to an old Sinatra melody when Chuck felt a tap on his shoulder. "May I cut in," Nate said in a silly voice, and Chuck begrudgingly handed the sweet girl over, secretly sad to end the moment. As he made his way back to his seat, envy sprung anew for Nate and his relationship with Olivia. Though he was sure no one would suspect it, Chuck Bass longed to have children. He cringed at the realization that with things the way they currently were, that possibility was still something years away from him. As he continued to watch Nate and Olivia, he barely noticed Vanessa join him. "You know," she started, startling him a little, "it's not too out of the question for you to buy someone a ring and join the family club." Chuck gave his signature smirk and let his downer remarks go unsaid as he just raised his glass to the bride-to-be. They sat quietly together as the song finished. Nate waved Vanessa over to join them. She patted Chuck on the back and left him to his lonesome, joining her new family as another song began. Unable to bear anymore of his pity-party, Chuck decided to get some fresh air. As he leaned against the cool brick of the building outside, he flipped open his phone, deleting the text that his date had sent reminding him she'd be unable to attend the party that evening but that she would see him tomorrow. He checked the time-9:00. _Not late enough_, he thought to himself. Feelings of guilt crept over him as he realized that he was trying to find a way to leave his best friend's pre-wedding dinner early and he was about to return to the party when Dan joined him outside, urgency in his eyes. "Chuck, I just got a really weird text. I can't be certain, but I think it's from _her_. We need to get back in there just in case." Glad to have his sorrow broken, Chuck followed Dan back inside, eager to help avoid any drama on Nate and Vanessa's happy day. As he and Dan reentered the room though, they realized they were too late. There, in the middle of a society event, a very inebriated Isobel was already making a scene. "Congratulations to the happy couple," she loudly said, shameless in her mocking. Even at the tender age of six, Olivia knew to be embarrassed for her mother, hiding behind Vanessa's hem, almost frightened by Isobel's palpable anger. Isobel walked directly up to Vanessa and handed her a huge manila envelope. "Best wishes to you both." As she turned to leave, Vanessa boldly responded. "Isobel, he already told me about the papers. It was a mistake, nothing more. He expedited the new copies and everything is taken care of." Proud of her for standing up for him, Nate added "It's over Isobel. Why can't you just let it go?" Relishing the havoc she was creating, Isobel turned and slowly walked back up to the couple. "Oh, I wasn't here to share that. I know you treat _her,_" dripping the word with disdain, "like gold so I could have figured you'd tell her right away about the little detail of still being married to me until a few days ago." She paused for effect, clearly pleased at the wave of whispers at the revelation that Nate was still a married man just days before. "Oh no," she finally continued, "I just thought I should take the liberty of dropping off some new papers while I had you both together." She laughed bitterly. "I figured you'd prefer my presence at this event over your wedding-see, I'm not totally heartless." At this she again turned to leave, stumbling a bit on her way out the front of the hall. Silence draped the room uncomfortably, and Chuck ached for his friends, angry and hurt that their night had turned to this. He cleared his throat and gently but firmly explained that everyone should just go back to enjoying the night. He signaled for the band to resume playing and rushed over to Nate and Vanessa, already surrounded by their closest friends. On the verge of tears, Vanessa blindly handed Nate the envelope, whispering, "I knew it…I just knew it…something bad was going to happen…" Olivia stood close by, also threatening to cry, confused by what she'd just witnessed. Seeing her pain, Chuck's emotions raged again and he directed Serena and Jenny to take the shaking little girl for a drink of water. Chuck was about to find out what else he could do to help when he saw _her_. As if in slow motion, she rushed up to console Vanessa, apologizing profusely for being late, as if her tardiness had caused the whole mishap. Chuck felt his mouth go dry as he absent-mindedly put his arm around Nate to comfort him. She was the most beautiful he'd ever seen her, even as distress marred her perfect face. He watched captivated as Blair guided Vanessa over to the other women tending to Olivia. Once she was out of his direct line of sight, he snapped back to reality, mortified he'd allowed himself to be so visibly distracted from his friend's very real and current disaster. As if he could read his mind, Nate waved off his concern. "It's been awhile since you've seen her…no worries." Nate then looked down at the package in his hands, uncertainty playing across his face. He handed the envelope to Chuck. "I've already had to do this once this week. Please spare me the excitement of a second." Chuck swallowed hard and opened it, scared of what its contents held. He scanned the document briefly when realization hit him. The blow was crushing and his face laid that fact open for all to see. He handed the papers to Nate as Dan tried to find out what was happening. Nate gasped then fury flooded his eyes. "She's trying to take her away." He gritted his teeth as he looked up. "It's a petition for full custody of Olivia…without visitation." A note fell from the stack. Chuck rushed to help his friend retrieve it and couldn't help but see its brief message. _"Vanessa, a little 'gift' from me to you, one Mrs. A to another. It's simple. Marry Nate and I will take his daughter away. You don't want to make him choose, do you? Cheers, the first and true Mrs. Archibald"_


	8. Seven

Ok-so here's the newest additions to the story...I know I said it's was one chapter I was working on, but it seemed better suited split into _six_! Enjoy all the new stuff-hopefully it was worth the wait!

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**Seven**

Vanessa eyed the long white gown hanging gingerly over her closet door and a single tear escaped quietly from the corner of her eye. Wiping it away, she sighed as she recalled the disastrous evening. After Isobel drunkenly exited, things calmed down but a palpable tension remained, most of all between her and Nate. She had begged him to show her what Isobel's package had contained but he refused, explaining he would not play into his ex-wife's games anymore, especially given her choice of pawns. After that he closed himself off and would not speak of the event for the remainder of the night, avoiding her almost all together. Though understandably distraught, Vanessa had done her best to remain social but found herself emotionally exhausted as the end of the party drew near. As the guests began to trickle out, Nate gave her an absentminded peck on the lips and left by himself despite Chuck's insistence he not be alone. Crushed at his lack of emotion, Vanessa allowed herself to be quietly ushered into Blair's town car. Jenny, Serena, and Blair accompanied her back to the Archibald brownstone, where they were all staying before the wedding. Vanessa was relieved that her efforts weeks earlier to squash the pre-nuptials slumber party had been thwarted, knowing she'd never make it through the night without them all there. The four huddled close over cocoa and reminisced about stories from their pasts with tears and laughter, doing their best to distract her. "See," Jenny offered, "if we can be friends after everything we've been through, then you have nothing to worry about. Beside," she continued, "you and Nate have the most enviable love of anyone I know-he'll be there to see you both through this." Before it got too late, the girls parted ways to their rooms, each hugging V before tucking away for the night. She had tried to sleep but with no avail and now found herself staring at the dress Jenny had crafted for her to wear in just mere hours, feeling confused and more alone than she had all evening. A sudden rush of emotion came over her and she knew she couldn't just sit still waiting. She quickly scribbled a note and left it outside of Serena's door before she snuck out into the brisk night.


	9. Eight

**Eight**

The silence was deafening. Thoughts whirled through Nate's head as he fought unsuccessfully to find respite in sleep. Despite the plush surroundings of the penthouse suite he was staying in, no comfort could be found and he struggled with his emotions in the darkness. Guilt at how he'd treated Vanessa after getting the letter. Anger at Isobel's incessant attempts to ruin his life. Sadness at how his golden moment with Vanessa, and to some extent Olivia, had been marred. He tossed and turned, acutely aware that the time before the ceremony was growing short and his list of ideas on how to handle the situation was becoming even shorter. A tiny voice broke into his thoughts. "Daddy?," Olivia whispered, creeping on tiptoe into his room. "Are you awake?" Nate flipped on a dim light at his side and patted the covers next to him, welcoming the obviously upset little girl into his arms. She snuggled into him and fought tears, innocently asking "Why was Mommy so mean to 'Nessy tonight Daddy?" Nate's heart broke for his daughter as anger reignited for Isobel for having put her in such a confusing position. He thought long and hard, choosing his words carefully. "Sweetheart," he began, "Mommy is unhappy right now and is doing silly things to let people know that. She isn't making good choices but she's still your Mommy and she loves you." Olivia pondered what he said. After a long pause, she spoke. "It doesn't feel like love" she mumbled before nestling in further and closing her eyes. In awe of his daughter's simple but wise words, Nate held her close until she was sound asleep. He was just beginning to drift off when he heard his cell buzzing on the night table. "Meet me in the lounge downstairs" the text read, and Nate carefully slipped out of bed without waking Olivia. He filled with dread as he descended in the elevator. Relief flooded him as Vanessa bee-lined for him right when he got off, throwing him into a fierce embrace. He looked into her eyes and began to apologize for his behavior when she put her fingers to his lips. "It's ok-I don't need to know what it said, I just want everything to be all right…" she said in a tone heavy with emotion, tears threatening to fall from her intense eyes. He could see it in her face how much she trusted him and his confidence rose. She smiled. "You're my family now, Nathaniel Archibald, for better or worse. You, Olivia, and I." At her words he knew what had to be done. He took a deep breath. "V, we're going to have a long road ahead…for us…and for her." Vanessa's eyes widened, understanding what he was implying. Nate held her close as he continued. "But, if Isobel wants a fight she can have one…in court. We're going to petition for full custody of Olivia."


	10. Nine

**Nine**

Vision blurry and room swimming, Chuck cringed as he heard the highball glass shatter on the marble floor only seconds after losing his very unsteady grip on it. He half cursed Nate for dismissing his attempt to hang out and help him cool down a bit after Isobel's charade, knowing that he would not be soaked in scotch and whatever else he'd had right now if Nate had come back to the penthouse with him. As he looked down, the shards glittered and Chuck laughed mockingly at how something so dangerous could be so beautiful. A metaphor for my life, he thought to himself as he got up to pour a new glass. In recent years he had seen himself relying less on his "amber therapist" but lost all self-control after the catastrophic evening. He shakily lifted the decanter but decided against having more as disgust over the binge set in. Slumping to the ground, he laid his head in his hands, barely able to process the night in his clouded mind. Guilt overtook him as he realized that he was completely obliterated the night before Nate's wedding, a day he would be needed now more than ever. Even worse, he had been driven to drink not because of the anguish he felt for his friend but because of the evening's other surprise. Despite his alcohol drenched brain, Chuck was aware of how stupid he'd been to not mentally prepare for Blair's appearance at the party. He was, however, shocked at the emotional response that seeing, and more so, being ignored by her had produced, and he knew that his out of control bender was fully related to it. Confusion swirled in his mind, and he was only brought back to some semblance of reality when the grandfather clock chimed in the distance, signaling the three o'clock hour. Chuck knew he needed to try to sleep if he wanted to be any use tomorrow. He quickly drank some water, knowing he was kidding himself to think he'd be able to prevent any kind of hangover, and crawled to the plush chaise in the room, unable to drag himself to his bed three rooms over. Shallow and fitful sleep came over him, with an unrelenting vision of Blair taunting his dreams. When the sunlight streamed over him mere hours later, he knew he was in for a long day. What he didn't know was that he was in for an even longer night.


	11. Ten

**Ten**

Blair stared at the ceiling, angry that she had allowed _him_ to disrupt her sleep again, like so many countless times before. Chuck Bass was a disaster, no matter how deceptively comforting it felt to see him again. She couldn't lie to herself-he had looked amazing, perhaps better than she'd ever seen him. It had been a few years since they'd last united and the time had done him too well. However, despite the draw to him, she had forced herself to remain brusque and offered him no indication of the flurry of feelings she felt rising to the surface. Though she felt horribly for her friends, she secretly was glad for the excuse to stay away from Chuck and focus instead on Vanessa. The diversion of spending time with her, Serena, and Jenny had passed too quickly though, and she soon found herself alone in her room, dreading sleep for what dreams may come, but hating being awake with her thoughts about Chuck. She finally decided some wine might help ease her mind and quietly crept from her room. As she made her way down the hall she noticed a note near Serena's door. She scanned it quickly and, after confirming Vanessa's absence from the master suite, picked up her phone, glad to finally have a worthy distraction. Once she had called for her car, she called Vanessa. "Blair-it's 4:30 in the morning" a concerned Vanessa answered, Nate's inquiring voice in the background. "Exactly," Blair began, "which is why I'm picking you up from Nate's place. This may have been a strange evening, but I'll be damned if I let you and Nate ruin tradition and see each other any longer on the day of the wedding." Vanessa laughed but put up no fight. "How very Blair Waldorf! If you insist…but be warned-now that you're up you may not get back to sleep since I'll likely keep you up to keep me calm!" Just what I'd hoped for, Blair thought to herself as she pulled on her coat, doing what she could to push thoughts of her former lover to the side yet again. Not another moment wasted, she rushed to her car, ignoring the little voice in her head…but she already knew-Chuck Bass wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.


	12. Eleven

**Eleven**

All too aware of how poorly he'd been sleeping all night, Dan easily roused to the cry of his daughter just one room over. However, she quickly calmed down and he second-guessed if he should go in her room and risk waking her again. With a glance at the clock, he knew he'd never get back to sleep before his alarm and decided to peek in on the little one before the chaos of the day began. When he entered Violet's room, he was surprised to see her snuggled in the arms of her aunt. "Jenny, what are you doing here…and so early?" Dan quipped, puzzled at the sight of his sister. After shushing him, she quietly responded in a hushed tone. "I just couldn't sleep after everything that happened last night and I needed to pick a few things up to adjust V's dress anyway." She smiled as Violet interrupted with a sleepy sigh. "I figured now was as good a time as any. Unfortunately," she whispered, "I woke this little bean up while riffling through my junk in the other room. Apparently I woke you up too…sorry." Dan walked over and relieved Jenny of her tiny charge. "It's ok sis," he said, "not much sleeping on my part either anyway. Now, you better get out of here since your day is going to start pretty soon." He stifled a laugh. "This is why I love being a guy…no asinine early hair appointments." Jenny gave him a sarcastic grin and scurried out in a rush. Dan gazed at his precious little girl and gave a sigh of relief at the moment of serenity before the start of the day. Aside from the obvious stress of tending to a newly broken bride and groom, Dan knew that today was finally the day he was going to have to face Serena head on, thankful to have at least avoided her almost entirely the night prior. It had been ages since he'd seen her in person, though he hadn't been oblivious to the numerous articles that she had appeared in, mostly now for her humanitarian efforts instead of the page six fodder from her youth. He was proud of whom she had become and, though he couldn't yet admit it, deep down he knew it pained him that he hadn't been there to see it happen. Lost in his thoughts, Violet's quiet stirrings brought him back to the moment and he set her back into her crib, giving her a valuable few more moments to rest before starting her day as well. Once back in his own room, Dan pulled out the tux he would be wearing in a few hours and instantly recalled the day of his own wedding. How he had felt so in love. How he had started the day so sure he was doing the right thing. How he almost called it off right beforehand…

_Dan looked into the mirror and adjusted his tie. He quickly scanned the note card of vows he had scripted to be sure they we're just right and was about to check on the status of the ring with Nate when Vanessa barged into his dressing room, visibly upset. Before he could ask her what was wrong she shoved a small card into his hand. "I have been so torn about this Dan," she started in a hesitant tone. "I still don't know if you should have this but it's not my place to decide." She sighed in frustration. "I don't even know what it says…just don't do anything stupid, ok Dan? Promise me." The cryptic rush of her words had him confused and he quickly gave his word that things would be fine. Vanessa gave him an intense hug and after a long look, left to attend to his future bride. Dan turned the delicate envelope over in his hand and gasped when he saw his name on the front. The handwriting was unmistakably __hers__. A quick flash of anger rose in him. He had done such a good job suppressing her existence in his mind but here she was again. Serena was not supposed to be in his thoughts anymore, especially not on this day. The heat left as quickly as it came, though, and he soon found himself struggling with what to do. Should he toss it right now and forget it even came to him or should he torture himself and read it? The seconds ticked by. _A man should not be having this much anguish over another woman on his wedding day_, a small voice in his head whispered. He went over all of the thoughts in his head, memories of Serena and their turbulent past rising to the surface with a vengeance. He was ashamed to admit how much her letter was stirring him, unsure of what that meant. It was at that moment he decided today could not be the day he would be married-how could he do this to his fiancé when he wasn't even sure himself of what he felt. He decided to confirm his thoughts and was about to open the ticking time bomb before him when the door to his room cracked again. A vision in ivory, his future wife stood before him, distress marring her almost perfect face. He sharply took in his breath when he saw how beautiful she looked and guilt immediately overcame him. She ran to his arms. "Oh Dan, I'm so glad you're still here," she said in a breathy voice. He pulled her away from him and looked into her eyes. "What do you mean Gaby?" She laughed and sheepishly continued. "I had the worst feeling something was going to happen and that I wouldn't find you here." At her statement, he deftly tucked the offending envelope away and kissed her. In that moment of brief contact he knew he was fooling himself to think that a letter could change anything. Gabriella was the girl he'd waited for after all the pain of his past and the one who accepted him for who he was. She was now the woman he loved. After their embrace, she quickly ran off, muttering about breaking traditions and bad luck. The day continued forth without another thought; the ceremony was lovely and the reception was a blast. The letter that had come so close to driving him to insanely break things off was long forgotten until much later that night, after his new wife was fast asleep. He pulled on a robe and stole away to the small sitting room adjoining their hotel suite room. He scanned the letter and decided that to put Serena behind him he needed to read it and get rid of it as soon as possible. It was surprisingly short and filled mainly with benign well wishes, but at the last line his stomach sank. "Above all else I want you to be truly happy…if that means I can never have you again then I will let you go." He couldn't help the tear that escaped his eye but he allowed himself only one. It was time to move forward and leave Serena behind forever…_

Dan sighed and pulled open the drawer in his night table. There, edges weathered by many re-reads, was Serena's letter. Guilt washed over him anew as he remembered the night Gaby had found the letter just eight months ago, the night before they found out she was dying. "_Another jab at my heart Dan Humphrey…a letter from __her__…classic,_" came her sarcastic response, clearly unsurprised by her finding. She didn't even try to confirm if it was from before their marriage, likely, Dan thought, because it didn't really matter at that point. Despite his shame, he couldn't bring himself to toss the secretly treasured memento and found himself lying to her when she later asked what had happened to it. He shoved the paper back into his drawer and began to dress angrily, drenched in self-loathing over his failed marriage and inability to cleanse Serena out of his thoughts yet again. As he went to dress Violet, he found himself praying that Nate and Vanessa could survive their own pre-wedding letter disaster and hoping that their future wasn't already impacted forever.


	13. Twelve

**Twelve**

The sound of a door closing in the distance was all it took to wake Serena from her light slumber. A quick glance at her clock told her what she suspected. She'd only managed a sum total of one hour of rest and it now being 5:00 AM she knew she'd be getting no more. Unaware that she was not the only Upper East Sider to go sleepless for much of the night, she groaned at the thought of dragging all day when her friends needed her. Irritated, she threw on her worn Harvard sweatshirt and headed for the kitchen with every intention of starting breakfast for the girls. Once down the stairs she realized the culprit of her arousal was none other than little J, sneaking as quietly as she could toward the stairs with her large seamstress bag in tow. Jenny immediately explained why she was out before Serena could ask and then excused herself to take a shower. Moments later, she shouted down that their two other housemates were also apparently out on morning errands. With a frantic call to Blair and confirmation that Vanessa was also accounted for, the four girls decided to meet up in an hour for a quick meal at a restaurant open early enough to accommodate their barely post-dawn hair appointments. In an ill-fated attempt to get to sleep, Serena had taken a hot bath the night prior and found herself unsure of how to kill time while Jenny bathed. Desperate to avoid any and all thoughts of the previous night or, worse yet, a certain Dan Humphrey, she scanned her bag and was relieved to find the book from the coffee shop that she had began to pour over on an almost daily basis. She nestled into one of the wingbacks in the front parlor room and quickly lost herself in another love letter written by the author. Anguish tore at her heart as she devoured the heartfelt poem, knowing the intended recipient had likely never seen it. She had become somewhat obsessed with J.D. Smith and wondered what kind of a man he was. Barely any information existed about him and despite her Wiki and Google searches her greatest question was still unanswered: Were the letters fact or fiction? Regardless, she was dying to know what motivated someone to craft such beautiful works. Well, if they are real, she thought to herself, that's one hell of a woman he loves. Her venture into the land of the written page was interrupted as Jenny descended the stairs signaling her readiness to depart. "Come on Serena, no more time in la-la-land," she laughed. Smiling, Serena quickly placed the book back into her weekender and ascended the stairs to ready herself for the long day ahead. As she brushed through her hair, she looked at herself in the mirror. She took a steadying breath and mentally prepared herself for the day, knowing that regardless of the tension of seeing Dan for the second time in 24 hours, Vanessa was to be her top priority for the day. Her heart broke for her two friends all over again and she wondered if they would be all right. Thinking back to her book, she felt some small relief. If a man could have that much love in his heart for one woman, she thought, then two people really can make it. With an impatient comment shouted up to her from Jenny, Serena let her mushy thoughts go as she finished her preparations. Before long, the four girls reunited over crepes and tea and braced each other for the coming day, uncertain of what was yet to come.


	14. Thirteen

**Thirteen**

Blair lazily swirled the champagne in her glass as she watched her daughter Vivienne gleefully dancing with Olivia on the hardwood floor of the Plaza ballroom, unaware of the party around them. She frowned a little as she thought of her son Xavier sweating out his ill-timed fever at home under Dorota's watchful eye. Oh well, she thought to herself with a grin, perhaps the Upper East Side is only ready for the debut of one mini-Waldorf for now. Her eye drifted from the two new friends to the table at the front of the hall, set with magnificent arrangements of orchids and glasses filled and waiting for the bridal party to arrive and take their seats. The slight sting of not being asked to serve as a maid for Vanessa reared itself momentarily but she quickly quelled the thought, fully aware of how her former insecurities over their shared friendship with Serena had led to the temporary rift Vanessa and her had gone through during the time V had chosen her attendants. Due to the physical distance between them, the argument festered longer than it should have and when Blair finally relinquished her fears and apologized, though the two were stronger friends than they had been before, the plans were set and Blair was stuck on the sidelines. The only upside was that Blair was able to help more freely with the children throughout the day. She sighed as she remembered the two little girls tucked on either side of her at the beautiful and moving ceremony. In all her years, she had never seen Nate Archibald shed a tear, but on the culminating day of what he had waited so long for, his heart was on his sleeve and his emotions could not be contained as he spotted Vanessa for the first time, almost ethereal in her white gown. Nervous how things would go after the debacle from the night before, Blair found herself letting out a huge sigh at the end of the service as she clapped for the newly announced pair, relieved that everything went off without a hitch. After a few pictures, she took Viv and Olivia over to the Plaza and checked over everything before people began to arrive, determined for her friend's perfect day to continue as planned. As she continued to relax and wait for the arrival of her friends, guests began to trickle in. She was so engaged at the site of the children playing that she jumped a bit when a voice broke into the air behind her. "Smashing," a British-accented female quipped, "at least I am apparently still lovely enough to be seated at the attractive persons table!" Blair smiled and turned, revealing an exquisite brunette with piercing green eyes. "I suppose that can only be taken as a compliment" Blair returned. "You should be warned however, that this is not just a table for the beautiful, but also for the very young." Blair motioned to the dancing girls and giggled. "I hope you're up to date on the latest of the Disney Channel!" The tall woman gave a genuine laugh as she settled into the table. "I'm Eliza Montgomery." After shaking her extended hand, Blair chimed in, "Blair Waldorf, lovely to meet you."

* * *

After a half hour, Blair and Eliza had become fast friends. Blair had even insisted that she stay seated with them once Eliza realized she had misread her place card and was supposed to be at a different table across the room. "Believe me, Vanessa will not have filled this table since I have the kids and I can really use the adult company" Blair coaxed. "Well," Eliza began, "if only to keep you sane, then I suppose I must!" Conversation continued to flow with ease. Though it irked her to remember her pettier days, Blair knew Eliza was the kind of woman her former self would have hated and made a foe, mostly because she was too much like Blair herself: Gorgeous with wit and brains to match. She was impressed by not only Eliza's background as a member of London's elite upper class but also her philanthropic endeavors, most recently using her training as an architect to help design the new space for Serena and Vanessa's outreach clinic. She was even holding a brunch early the next day to garner financial benefactors for the materials needed to start the projects. Once Blair revealed her involvement with the clinic as the volunteer financial officer, the two women laughed, both stating how glad they were to work with one another. As they turned their conversation to the happenings at the developing clinic, the music changed and a member of the staff signaled the arrival of the bridal party. Everyone stood and clapped as the members entered, the applause loudest for the newlyweds. Once everyone settled back in, Blair noticed Serena and Vanessa making their way over. Though she couldn't be sure, she thought she detected the slightest hint of unrest in V's eyes. She stood to hug the new bride. "Is everything over here ok?" Vanessa asked hesitantly. Blair laughed. "Of course V, no worries, other than the fact that you two may now have to share my precious little time with my lovely new friend here." Blair couldn't help but notice as Serena and Vanessa exchanged glances before Vanessa greeted and hugged Eliza as well. She was about to ask how the women had come to know each other when V was called over to Nate's side to meet a new partner from his firm. Eliza excused herself to the powder room and Blair took the chance to corner Serena about the perceived tension. "I may be imagining this," Blair started, choosing her words carefully, "but is there a reason I should be nervous?" Serena took a quick breath and smiled. "B, I just want you to have a good time. We can all use it after yesterday…just be careful, ok?" At that, Serena gave her a quick hug and then headed off to help Jenny with Vanessa's train. Blair sighed at her friend's cryptic answer and settled in for what was turning out to be a very interesting night.

* * *

Blair watched the excitement on the dance floor and felt a small pit in her stomach. She couldn't help but feel empty as she watched all the people around her enjoying themselves. Eliza had been drawn into a deep conversation about Britain's political system with the Admiral and her mother and Cyrus had left the event early, taking a very tired Vivienne and Olivia with them. Though her friends were around her, they were busy with pictures and entertaining the guests, so she had gotten to spend very little time with any of them. Things had gotten so desperate that she had even accepted a pity dance from Dan Humphrey, of all people. The only highlight was when one of Nate's very attractive colleagues gave her his card. He had seemed a bit boring for the time that they chatted, but at least someone had noticed her. Despite her resolve to be there for Nate and Vanessa, she decided to make it an early night and head to the suite she'd reserved upstairs so she wouldn't wake the kids at home with her late-night arrival. After goodbyes to Serena, Jenny, and Vanessa, she sat at the bar for one more drink before heading to her room. As she sipped on the champagne martini she stole away again to thoughts of loneliness and, in her misery, failed to notice someone join her. "Your daughter-she looks just like you" and unmistakable voice spoke. Blair felt herself tremble a bit and took a moment to compose herself before she turned to face Chuck. "Hopefully it can do more for her than it has for me," she answered dryly, secretly proud of how well her voice hid her pounding heartbeat and tumble of emotions. Chuck winced at her words but recovered quickly. "You look like you're doing just fine" he said, taking a long sip of his scotch and eyeing her appreciatively. She glared at him. "I don't know what you think you're doing," she started, angrier at each passing moment in his presence and losing composure quickly, "but I'm not falling for any of your bull this time." He looked surprised. "My, my, someone is out for blood," he teased, clearly enjoying the effect he was having. She was about to lay into him when Nate came upon the two of them, intoxicated both on love and a little too much champagne. He smiled an unabashed grin and threw an arm around each of them, completely unaware of the tension in the air. "Who could believe this day would ever come?" Nate began as he waxed nostalgic. "Here we are, three kids who managed to make it out of the Upper East Side pretty ok. I have my fantastic new wife and gorgeous daughter; Blair, you've got those beautiful kids, and even you," he raised his glass toward Chuck, "have _finally_ settled down." At his words Blair felt herself reel. How could the girls not have told her? Chuck Bass, bachelor extraordinaire, settled down…it couldn't be true…and, a small voice nagged, _not with you_. She released herself from Nate's embrace and sat down, disgusted as the thought popped into her head. _Are you kidding?_, she screamed to herself, angry to have her true feelings rear their head like this. Without noticing her reaction, Nate continued to mutter on but Blair heard none of it. She felt as if she couldn't breathe. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Chuck and, surprisingly, saw an uncomfortable look on his face. Well, at least he apparently hadn't wanted me to find out like this, she thought, a small consolation amid a sea of troubling news. Still unable to focus on Nate's ramblings, she stood to excuse herself for the evening. All of a sudden, Nate's speech broke and he interrupted himself. "Aha, here is Chuck's lucky girl now." Against her better judgment, Blair turned just in time to see none other than Eliza Montgomery pull an almost embarrassed Chuck Bass into a very public embrace. "Much better," she said with a huge grin on her face. "I've been too much of this day without you, love." He gave her another distracted peck, clearly caught off balance by everything happening, and avoided Blair's eyes. Blair quickly swallowed the rest of her drink but failed to escape before Eliza spoke. "My dear Blair," she started, much to the shock of Chuck, "I insist you meet the darling man in my life, Charles Bass." Blair gave a weak smile. "I'm afraid Eliza that I beat you to your introductions years ago. Charles and I were schoolmates with Nate." Close to tears, Blair said no more, afraid of what might happen and Chuck appeared to breathe a sigh of relief at her benign comment. Eliza laughed and began to speak but suddenly checked her watch. "Oh my goodness, 11:30 already?" she questioned. "I'm afraid I have to go so I can be rested for the brunch…and right after I cornered you too…but you should stay and enjoy a little longer love" She snuggled into Chuck and Blair felt like a dagger pierced her heart. Unable to stay through any heartfelt goodbyes between the pair, Blair gave a quick hug and congratulations to Nate and retreated to her suite. Once safely inside the plush room, Blair collapsed into a puddle of tears, unsure of how she'd gotten to this point of utter devastation. As she pulled herself up and readied for what would likely be another sleepless night she knew one thing was for sure: Today she'd make a vow of her own…that she could never allow herself to fall for Chuck Bass again.


	15. Fourteen

**Fourteen**

It had been three long hours since the fallout he had so hoped to avoid and Chuck found himself pacing outside of Blair's suite at the Plaza. He stopped and slumped into an armchair in the hall, absent-mindedly slapping the entrance card to her room against his palm. Being a Bass had its perks, and with the Plaza being the newest acquisition of his architectural empire, locating Blair and acquiring a key to her room were laughable obstacles. The greater mountain to climb was in what he planned to do with his easy access. Anger and disappointment clouded his face. He cared deeply for Eliza but he knew he was lying to say he still didn't also have feelings for Blair and their complicated relationship did nothing to help him clarify them. All he knew was that he hadn't wanted her to find out like this and he was more upset than he'd ever admit. Furthermore, knowing well he couldn't ask his girlfriend of over two years to just not come to the wedding, he had tried desperately to keep Blair from Eliza, requesting Vanessa seat them as far away from each other as possible. Fate clearly had other plans, and given his reluctance to divulge any of his past with Blair to her, Eliza had no reason to be wary of the poised brunette she thought she was supposed to sit with. Worse yet, they had gotten along with each other, and knowing Blair as well as he did, Chuck knew that liking Eliza would only make the discovery more painful for her. As the scene unfolded before his eyes, he felt a violent wave of protectiveness come over him and it wounded him both to see how badly hurt Blair was and to know that Eliza had no idea what turmoil she was preceded by in his life. After assuring that Eliza had no suspicions and was off to her Fifth Avenue penthouse, Chuck immediately dismissed himself from the reception to clear his head. While on the roof, he recalled his behavior with Blair before Nate's interruption and mentally kicked himself, unsure of why he had yet again acted so horribly toward her. Their past was littered with his poor decision-making and he knew that what their relationship had become was entirely his fault. Even more disturbing to him was the feelings roused in him by seeing her interact with her daughter. Not only did it dredge up his longings for family life, but he was devastated to realize that he'd never have that security and love with her. He'd blown it years ago, plain and simple. At the very least, he thought, he could apologize for everything, and fueled by this, he left the roof in search of her location. So here he found himself, seated in the armchair in the hall, unsure of what good could come from his bothering her now. As he continued to brood, all he could focus on was how much he wanted to just see her again, away from everything, and try to do something to make it better. In a moment of weakness, he let his dangerous thoughts take over and he soon found himself unlocking the door to her room and quietly slipping in. It was dark but for the moonlight streaming in from the open terrace door. He scanned the expansive bed but soon realized she was not sleeping in it, nor was she anywhere else he could see in the room. About to turn on a light and leave a note, he was startled as her small frame filled the terrace entryway as she returned from outside to avoid the start of a late fall rainstorm. He thought she might scream at the sight of an intruder but she just stood there, immediately aware that it was him. After a long silence, she spoke. "I actually thought you might come," she said, her voice with the slight rasp only brought on from weeping, "though," she continued, "I'd hoped you wouldn't." He sighed. "Blair, I didn't want you to find out like this…you have to know that." She made her way from the door and sat on the edge of the bed, looking up at him, her face full of sadness. "I know," she started, "but it's so much easier to be mad. I just don't know what to think." She paused. "It's just…" her voice wavered, "I thought if I was unhappy, you must be too." At that, she began to cry softly. It was more than Chuck could bear and before he could stop himself, his arms were around her, his lips hungrily seeking hers in a desperate attempt to bring them to a place they'd never struggled with before. To his amazement, he felt no resistance as she beckoned him into a deeper embrace. The event of a few hours ago was easily forgotten and they were both lost to the moment as the rain began to pound outside her room. With familiarity and passion he poured over her delicate body, caring for her the only way he knew how, as if his tender touch could be a balm to all the wounds he'd caused her. As if they were made for one another, she responded as she always had and, finding himself unable to resist her any longer, he brought them to the point of no return. They collapsed into one another, and as they lay there, though he would never let her see, Chuck knew that the pillow was damp with both of their tears that night.


	16. Fifteen

**Fifteen**

Blair stirred from her dream, amazed at how vivid it had been. Though she had been with Chuck many more times than she cared to remember, it had been years since they last were together and she was almost embarrassed at how easily her mind had recalled their passion. As she turned, the early rays of morning fell over her. Suddenly she froze, all too aware that her hazy recollections were clearly more than just a sleep-induced fantasy. At the foot of the expansive bed sat Chuck, quiet and with his head in his hands, postured more timidly than she'd ever seen before. Blair slowly sat up, pulling the covers up around her as if modestly actually mattered around him and waited for him to notice her as she thought of what she might say. On cue, he turned slowly, confusion clouding his eyes. "I really do care for her…" he trailed off. His words stung and she was devastated that after the night they shared, he would speak first of Eliza. "But," he continued, "I think I still lo…" Blair interrupted him, every fiber of her heart in disagreement with her head. "Don't Chuck" she whispered without confidence. "We can't keep doing this. We have lives, lives that clearly don't…_can't _involve each other." She stopped herself, fearful for unwanted tears to overflow. He looked crushed. "Blair, what if this is our time?" His words fell on her heavily and many moments passed before she spoke again. She took a breath, remembering the promise she made to herself the night before. "Chuck, it's not, and" she continued almost inaudibly, "I don't think it ever can be." As she'd seen so many times before, a dark look came over his face and she knew he was retreating back to the place of least pain, the place that had hurt her so many times before. "Fine," he said in a tone with less gentleness than she could have hoped for. "I'll leave and we'll continue on our separate ways. But know this-life for us will _never_ be uncomplicated and I can't always be around to 'pick up the pieces,' however deliciously satisfying it can be for me." She winced at how callously he referred to their tender night and turned away from his cold gaze. With that, he grabbed his tux and left her, slamming the door on his way out. As huge tears fell from her sorrow-filled eyes, she tried to convince herself that she'd made the right choice, ignoring the little voice that shouted to the contrary.

* * *

Another sunny morning the following Sunday, Blair sat at her breakfast nook table and sipped her white tea to the sounds of her children playing in the next room. She distractedly perused the Times society pages, allowing herself only this briefest moment to recall where she was just one week ago. At the time, she was devastated, but over the course of a busy week she resolved that she'd chosen the only viable option and done what was best for everyone involved. Beside, she had really like Eliza and she was a much better, more stable match for him, her rationale sounding better every time she repeated it. She called for Vivienne and Xavier to join her to eat as she turned to a new page. As Dorota brought over a plate of scones, Blair drew her breath in sharply and dropped her cup, tea-staining the pages of the revered news source, shards of china scattered about. "Miss Blair!" Dorota exclaimed, as she rushed to her side. Blair looked shell-shocked. As the news she'd read settled over her she grew angry. "Well, Dorota," she yelled without thinking, "aren't you going to clean this up?" Dorota nodded, knowing that despite Blair growing up, she could sometimes still react as if she were 15. Once her life-long charge stormed off, Dorota dismissed the startled twins with a scone each in hand, and began to clean up the mess all over the table. As she brushed the china off the paper, she immediately saw what had caused Blair's sudden attack. There, in the engagement announcements of the society pages, was a half page photo of a gorgeous young couple, and though she couldn't identify the woman, Dorota could _never_ mistake the face of Chuck Bass.


	17. Sixteen

**Sixteen**

It was Friday, almost two weeks after the Abrams-Archibald wedding, and despite her 5:30 A.M. start time and a morning of tireless effort, Serena felt she had barely made any headway on her mile-long "to-do" list for the day. As she reviewed the remaining boxes to check off, many spilled over from days ago, she knew it was just another sign that she'd taken on too much over the course of another very long week. She sighed, wondering when she became the "never-has-a-moment-free" version of Serena she now was, certain her former carefree self would never have believed the transformation possible. A bittersweet wave came over her as she remembered her life before medical school and she allowed herself a moment to think of how different things might have been had her second year at college gone differently. As quick as the feeling came though, she quelled it, knowing no good could come from revisiting that painful time. Beside, she thought to herself, I wouldn't be the person I am now. Pride swelled in her and she smiled, glad for all the things she'd accomplished in her still young life. A buzz in the distance broke into her thoughts and she snapped back to reality. With a quick glance at the text Jenny had just sent to remind her of their afternoon meeting, Serena sighed and decided to admit defeat. The latest issues at the clinic would have to wait another day. Begrudgingly, Serena closed her laptop and glanced at the clock on the freshly painted wall of her new office. Well, at least I can fit in lunch today, she happily realized, all too aware that her recent ten pound weight loss had less to do with healthy habits and more to do with her hectic life. She hurriedly packed what she needed to work over the weekend into her Louis Vuitton messenger and started to rush out the door before anyone could hold her up. Holding her breath, she passed through the construction-ridden soon-to-be waiting room. Grabbing her coat tight, she was about to brace herself for the brisk October air as she heard a voice call out. Softly cursing under her breath about another missed meal, she turned to find hard-hat bearing Eliza waving her over. Serena tensed. Since the wedding, she had carefully managed to avoid both Chuck and his fiancé out of her sheer discomfort with the whole situation. True, she hadn't been around at the time of Blair's stunning discovery about Chuck's newfound monogamy and she believed Blair's insistence that she was nothing but cordial to the couple when she found out. Blair had even gone far enough to claim she was happy for the reformed bachelor and dismissed Serena's concerns, adamant that she was long over Chuck Bass. However she tried though, she couldn't shake a looming and ugly "but," in part due to Chuck's seemingly hasty proposal, and Serena didn't want to be the one to give Eliza anything to ponder, especially if her suspicions was wrong. Composing herself, Serena plastered as genuine a smile on her face as she could muster. She offered a hug and her congratulations to the newly engaged woman, apologizing for her delay in doing so. Eliza quickly dismissed her concerns. "It's only been a week and a half Serena," the Brit laughed, "and somehow we've not seen each other since the wedding…crunch time here I suppose!" Serena smiled weakly, not wanting to ask all the questions women usually gushed about in light of a specifically placed ring on their left finger. It wasn't that she wasn't happy for Eliza-she had spent time with the couple and knew how much Chuck cared for her-but she also knew how much pain Blair was probably experiencing in light of the engagement, in spite of of her assertion that she was fine, and felt celebrating with one friend was like betraying another. Per her usual innocent nature, Eliza caught no hint of Serena's uneasiness and flashed the three carat canary Harry Winston Chuck had gifted her with, spilling a few details of the event with glee. Before long, Serena relaxed and got caught in the moment, truly excited for her friend and wondering if she had blown the happenings at the wedding out of proportion. Eliza bubbled a few moments more then apologized for keeping her so long. "You we're probably headed to lunch anyway and obviously we'll have time to catch up at Nate and Vanessa's dinner tomorrow" Eliza quipped. Serena helplessly searched her frazzled mind when the day's date dawned on her. "Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed, "they get back tomorrow already!" Eliza laughed at Serena's sudden realization. "Dear Serena, you've been stretched too thin…almost literally! Now go and eat before you waste away and don't worry-I'll check in with you later about tomorrow and make sure you're all set for us to all drop by." Glad for the kindness of her new friend, Serena gave a flustered thank you and quick hug to Eliza. She hurriedly buttoned her coat and left, little time to spare before her meeting with Jenny.

* * *

While her assets had allowed her many a decadent lunch at some of Manhattan's finest establishments, Serena headed straight for her favorite deli, a reliable standby when time was a premium. The door gave its familiar chime and she smiled at the owner who had, over the recent months of grab-and-go lunches, come to know her by name. She filed into the short line and checked her phone for the time. With only a half hour before her appointment, Serena sighed, and began to dial Jenny, upset she'd likely be tardy to yet another meeting with her old friend. After relaying a quick message to Jenny's assistant that she'd be there as soon as possible, Serena settled into line, praying it would move quickly. Thankfully, only three people stood between her and her turkey club. Suddenly, the tall man in front of her turned. "Excuse me," he started, "but I couldn't help but overhear your conversation just now…would you like to go before me?" Serena was taken aback at such a gesture in her impatient and rushed city. She gratefully accepted and then smiled. "You must be a tourist," she began with a laugh, "because no right-minded New Yorker gives up their spot in line!" As he returned her grin, Serena noticed that he was more than just a nice guy-the man was gorgeous. She was almost so lost in looking at him that she barely heard his joke about being the last good man in New York and she jumped when the man behind the counter yelled "Next!" After gathering her order, she stopped to say another thanks to the good-looking Samaritan. "No problem-perhaps you can repay me with dinner sometime?" he boldly asked with a handsome smirk on his face. Serena playfully raised her eyebrows, more than happy to indulge a moment in flirtatious banter with the attractive stranger. "Well, kind sir, I don't even know your name," she joked. As he fished for his wallet he winked. "I can remedy that," he said as he handed her a sleek business card. Serena eyed the card. "Tom Rockford…solid name…and what a coincidence, there's a phone number." She laughed. "I'm Serena Van Der Woodsen," she offered with a coy look, "and perhaps you'll be hearing from me soon."

* * *

Serena cozied into a cashmere throw near the fireplace in her loft, a cup of tea in hand to relax her after the long day. After being lavished by the attentions of the striking Tom Rockford, she had rushed off to her meeting to discuss Jenny's generous offer to dual-purpose her post-fashion week party as a gala event to raise funds and awareness for the clinic. As a designer, Jenny may not have had any specific medical skills to lend to the clinic, but what she lacked she made up for in ideas to build up and maintain the site. Many luncheons, swag bags, and letters later, Little J had garnered support from many of her Upper Eastside clientele. At one point, she'd even joked with Serena and Vanessa about creating couture patient gowns, pro bono of course. With the doors to their visionary health center ready to open in mere weeks, Serena relied on her friends' connections and talents more than ever, glad that everyone had gotten involved in any way they could. The meeting with Jenny was quick but productive and Serena was happy to finally make some headway in something on her list that day. Satisfied things were falling into place, Serena left Jenny's Fifth Avenue office and, after addressing a few more of her "to-dos," soon finding herself home with her cup of tea. She reached for her laptop and logged into her email. As promised, Eliza sent a brief note to check in about the dinner, asking if she could do anything to help. Serena gave a small sigh as she realized how time had flown in the past two weeks. It had been her own idea to organize the welcome back evening for Nate and Vanessa at her place, who were arriving home tomorrow morning from their honeymoon, and she had almost forgotten. In a sheer stroke of luck, she had set up a caterer weeks ago and her loft was spotless since she'd spent such little time in it over the past weeks. Dinner could still go off without a hitch. _Can it?_ a little voice questioned in the back of her mind. Tension crept back into Serena's shoulders as she remembered exactly who she'd foolishly invited to the meal. In an attempt to be diplomatic and have the newlyweds surrounded by all their close friends, invites had been sent to the whole wedding party along with Blair and her kids, and Serena started to have a feeling of dread about the event. Not only would she be providing the backdrop for Blair's first encounter with a newly engaged Chuck and Eliza, but Dan would be on her home turf. True, she hadn't exactly hated seeing him at the wedding events, but she had come to feel so unstable at any thought of him that she wasn't sure how to act when he was around. As lonely as she'd been for so many years, she'd had managed the surprising discipline to keep him out of her mind, as if her deepest being refused to relive the pain. Since the wedding, though, all of her determined ignorance had gone out of the window, and Serena knew she had indulged in one too many "what might have been" fantasies about Dan. In an attempt to prevent another ridiculous daydream, she reached for her phone to check in on Blair. As she pulled the lifeline from her bag, Tom's chic business card came loose from the pocket she'd stashed it in. She sent a quick prayer to God, thankful for a distraction from one man, even if it was right to another. A smile crossed her face as she again recalled the freeing feeling of being hit on by the attractive stranger. Beautiful and smart as she was, Serena's love life had been rather tragic in recent years, not a far cry from the end days with Dan. Like a giddy school girl, she opened her phone to dial Blair, this time to gush about her light encounter. As if on cue, her phone buzzed, flashing Blair's photo across the front to signal her call. "I was just about to call you" she answered with a laugh. "Is that so," Blair laughed. The two women chatted, Serena spilling the news of her handsome knight-in-shining-armor. Blair giggled. "Actually S," she started, "I was calling to ask you something of a related nature. I was wondering is I could swap two child invites for one adult one." Serena frowned. "Well," she began with some surprise, "of course that's okay-but no kids? B, I've barely seen them since you all moved back and I miss them." True disappointment dripped in her voice, but Serena was almost glad, hoping it disguised the curiosity Blair had peaked at the mention of a mystery guest. An exasperated sigh escaped on Blair's end of the line. "Xavier is sick again" she said, "and Viv gave it too him so she's not much better. I think this is his little ploy to avoid society forever!" The two women laughed. As silence settled in, Serena waited to see if Blair would elaborate on her date. After another moment she finally broke down. "Well," she questioned, "who's the guy?" With a sarcastic scoff, Blair answered. "Serena, I'm offended…but since you insist, I am bringing someone I met at the wedding. I called him two days ago and we had a lovely dinner. He knows Nate from work so I thought he made a fitting date for their party." Serena's eyes narrowed. She knew her friend too well to believe her innocent explanation. "Blair" she began with a warning tone. "I hope this isn't a little game having to do with other guests I'll be having tomorrow." There was a pause, broken seconds later by an irritated sounding Blair. "S, it seems a little unfair for you to accuse me of using this lovely man I've met to make Chuck jealous. I've already said I'm more than happy for him-Eliza is lovely. He made a fine choice." Serena sighed. Apparently this wasn't the time for a reality check with Blair and Serena decided to let it go. After another awkward pause, the two women said their good-byes, aware that anymore conversation was long lost for the night. Setting her phone down, Serena shook her head. Blair was a grown woman and if she wanted to start seeing someone, so be it. Serena only hoped that her friend knew what she was doing.


	18. Seventeen

**Seventeen**

Dan watched the lights on the elevator light up with each passing floor, holding his breath for his arrival at Serena's rooftop penthouse. He shifted Violet's weight on his hip and glanced at his watch, secretly pleased that the childcare snafu he'd encountered minutes before leaving his own place had caused him to be late to the welcome back soiree. While it was true he was happy to celebrate Nate and Vanessa's homecoming, the venue was not his first choice and his worst nightmare would be to show up too early and be forced to make small talk with a very tangible and in-person Serena, worse yet, on her home turf. Seeing her in the recent weeks had been anything but easy and the idea of being alone with her was almost too much to bear. The elevator gave a mechanical ding to signal his arrival and he snuggled his daughter close as he stepped into the vestibule of Serena's home. Music hummed softly in the background and as they neared its source, Dan noticed a suspicious lack of conversation. A sinking feeling came over him and as they stepped into Serena's plush sitting room, all of his fears were realized. Despite being almost a half hour late, Dan was still the first to arrive. He smiled awkwardly at Serena and shrugged. "Sorry I'm late," he began, trying to break the ice. "As you can see, I had a little tangle with the nanny and now have a date for the evening" he added, gesturing to a babbling Violet. Serena smiled warmly, captivated by the raven-haired infant. "Of course pint-sized dates are welcome-beside, I'm just glad someone is finally here!" she said with a laugh, outstretching her arms to relieve Dan of Violet so he could remove his coat. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Serena sat and began to play with his daughter, clearly at ease and in her element with the little girl. A twinge of regret came over him as he remembered just how much he'd always longed for this moment with her and close they'd come to having it. Swallowing hard, Dan pushed away his sorrows and joined the two, unsure of how to pass the time until the others arrived. Ever the gracious hostess, Serena spoke first to cut the tension, asking him about his most recent book. The two fell into an easy, albeit trivial, conversation about writers and the current literary market. Dan felt himself relax. As the talk continued, focus came onto Serena, and they began to chat about the clinic and her work. "I wasn't surprised when Vanessa told me you were going into pediatrics-you've always loved kids" Dan quipped, acutely aware of her ability to care so effortlessly for children, his own daughter currently included. He failed to note the sadness that began clouding her eyes-if he had, he would never have continued down the now dangerous path his innocently-intentioned questions were leading. "V tells me you're looking at a doing a fellowship after the clinic is established…she said which but I can't remember." A pained look crossed Serena's face, this time too obvious for Dan to ignore. She spoke in almost a whisper, voice cracking as if sudden tears threatened to fall. "Neonatology-what else?" Her words hit Dan like a ton of bricks and he instantly regretted ever opening his mouth. Things had been going well-smoother than he could have imagined-and now a palpable silence had overcome them, reminiscent of so many of their past encounters. He had to say something, anything, to alleviate her, if not his own, pain. "Serena," he began, "I didn't mean…" He trailed off as she waved her hand at him as if to signal it was fine, but he knew it wasn't. It didn't matter anyway-no words could repair the damage he'd just caused. He watched as she sat numbly, now absent-mindedly playing patty cake with Violet. Strained seconds excruciatingly ticked by and both of them jumped when the elevator dinged, signaling the arrival of another guest. The relief was bittersweet-Dan knew that forgetting what had just happened might be easiest for them both for the moment, but he also realized that he'd just lost another chance to start to try to right an epic and far too long unattended wrong. A sun-kissed Vanessa burst into the room, unaware of the train wreck she was coming upon. His mind moving a million miles a minute, Dan tried unsuccessfully to come up with a good explanation for why Serena was almost crying. Surprisingly though, Serena scooped up Violet and met her friend in an embrace cheerful as ever, hiding her previous feelings as quickly as they had come. Knowing for both of their sake he'd too have to hide his roiling emotions, Dan plastered a smile on his face as Vanessa turned to him for a hug. "Some party," she joked, gesturing to the nearly empty room. Serena scoffed with mock hurt. "And how exactly, my friend," she began "can you expect a proper soiree if half of the honored couple is missing?" pointing out Nate's obvious absence. "Yeah," Dan added, "where is the man of the hour?" As the three settled in, Violet now crawling amongst them, Vanessa sighed. "Given the tensions so grievously aired by his _lovely_ ex-wife before the wedding, he thought it best to go pick Olivia up from Isobel on his own and meet us all here." She threw her hands up in the air as if to admit defeat. "I will not mess with that woman again if I can avoid it, so his plan was more than fine to me." Vanessa was visibly tense, and Dan felt for his long-time friend. Over the next few minutes, Dan and Serena offered up encouragement to the newlywed, trying to ease her frustrations. As more moments passed, the two women fell into conversation about the weather in Bali and how tanned V had gotten there and what a darling Violet was. Dan snuck away to catch some fresh air on Serena's terrace, glad to have a moment before the night got into full swing. He sighed, his thoughtless, however inadvertent, blunder still fresh on his mind. From day one, junior year, things with Serena had never been easy and he'd always had a knack for making them worse. _This is why you could never have her_, a little voice rang in the back of his thoughts. As so many times before, he instantaneously relived all of their break-ups over again, each one more telling than the last. It was apparent to him more now than ever that he was so much to blame for where they each were now, namely, without each other. Another ding of the elevator broke into his wallowing and he begrudgingly realized he needed to head back inside. He was tired just thinking about it. For the sake of Nate and Vanessa, he would fake a smile for the rest of the evening and mingle with his friends, but before re-entering the party, he sought liquid courage from one of the trays offered to him by a hired hand for the night. _Cheers_, he silently thought to himself as he tipped back the champagne sparkling in the flute, knowing he was in for an exhausting and very long night.

* * *

Dan sighed, admitting defeat and taking a break from the "sociable" act he'd been putting on. Though it had only been 40 minutes, he'd had enough pretending to be conversational and stole away to a chair tucked in the corner under the guise of needing to feed Violet. True, she was more than capable of holding a bottle herself these days, but Dan knew he needed some respite before they all sat down to dinner and he'd be forced to interact with those around him. He reflected what had shown itself to be quite a strange evening, still crowned in his mind by his earlier gaffe with Serena. As he had re-entered the party from the terrace, Chuck had arrived with a newly-diamond encrusted Eliza. While the sweet and naive Englishwoman was unaware, Dan could feel the tension swirling between Vanessa and Serena, sure they were wondering the same thing as him-why now, after all their years together, had Chuck finally taken a plunge no one dared think he would. Dan managed to pull Chuck to the side briefly, offering his congratulations to his now-close friend. The two men chatted and Dan did his best to delicately coax out any information, but Chuck remained tight-lipped, indicating he was merely swept up in the romance of Nate's wedding. Dan let the remark slide, but he knew something was up. Chuck had seemed distracted and distant, very unlike a man who'd just recently proposed to the woman he loved, and though he couldn't be sure, Dan began to wonder. His musings were only stoked once Blair arrived, date in tow and Dan could swear he noticed tension flicker in Chuck's jaw as he saw the other man drape a light but possessive arm around the petite brunette. Introductions were brief-the stranger was actually a partner at Nate's law firm. Prescott Forbes was an impressive man, exactly the type anyone would peg for a one Blair Waldorf. Mildly surprising was the fact that Chuck in fact already knew him. In an attempt to establish integrity in his practices, Nate had vowed early on to never represent his friends. He had apparently though been more than happy to turn business over to his partners, and Prescott was the lucky man to work on behalf of Bass industries as an acquisitions counsel. Dan watched as the two men greeted each other, detecting the slightest hint of anger behind Chuck's well-groomed handshake. As the minutes continued to tick by, Dan's opinion of the newcomer quickly shaped and he cringed inwardly. The man, however outwardly charming, seemed like a colossal jerk. Unavoidable as it was, Prescott engaged him in a conversation about his latest book, somehow finding subtle ways to make Dan feel like a mere writer didn't belong at dinners with old money. As he dismissed himself to tend to Violet, Dan smiled, wondering what he'd think of Nate if he knew Vanessa was a "pauper" too. Now sitting in the chair, a contented infant close to dozing in his arms, Dan found himself wondering where his friend was. It had been almost an hour since he'd dropped Vanessa off and Dan began to worry. As if to allay his fears, his phone buzzed in his back pocket. After a skillful maneuver as to not wake the now sleeping Violet, Dan looked at the display and answered. "Hey Nate-where the heck are you?" In a voice filled with anxiety Nate spoke. "Look, is Vanessa nearby? She isn't answering her phone…I really need to talk to her first." Dan felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise. Finally distracted from his own pity party, Dan swallowed hard as he got up and handed the phone to Vanessa. The smile on her face at hearing Nate's voice dissolved almost immediately. Something was very wrong. She clicked the phone and handed it back, distractedly looking for her things. "V," Dan started, both with curiosity and concern. "What's going on?" She looked him in the eye, tears quickly filling her own. "She's gone…" she trailed. Dan just nodded with shocked understanding, pulling the woman who was like his second sister into a fierce embrace. As if she were drawing strength from him, she stood an extra moment before pulling her coat tight. "I have to go now" she said with the least confidence he'd ever heard, and Dan watched as his friend quickly left, knowing the pain Nate and Vanessa were about to face would be worse than any they'd ever encountered.


	19. Eighteen

**Eighteen**

Nate's library was filled with heavy, brooding silence as he nursed a glass of 60 year old bourbon. Though by a slim margin, the amber liquid was the only thing keeping his temper on the side of relatively controllable. He looked around the mahogany paneled room and wondered how badly he would hurt his hand if he tried to punch a hole in the wall, a feat he had almost taken on as soon after entering the manly refuge. He cringed as he remembered how callous he'd been toward Vanessa when they'd first gotten back, dismissing her attempts to console him instead for the comfort of his leather wingback. Sadness washed over him as he realized that this was a huge loss for her too. As pain for his new wife stirred within him, matching loathe for his ex rose up. _How could she do this?_ He sighed in frustration. Nate knew Isobel was borderline psychiatric but he never imagined she'd go this far. Sure, her threat before the wedding was unsettling, and Nate had thoughts of it several times while honeymooning in Bali, but he suspected that he and Vanessa were in for an ugly custody battle upon their return home, not a missing persons search. Tears pricked at his eyes as he relived the panic he'd experienced just mere hours earlier…

…_A manila envelope tucked at his side, Nate patiently waited for the elevator to take him up to Isobel's penthouse for what he hope hoped was the last time. He had rehearsed his lines on the ride over and was more confident than ever. Tonight, he'd finally beat Isobel to the punch, offering up his custody papers before she could serve hers. A colleague of his from law school, an expert in the field of family law, had drafted the iron-clad agreement that would strip Isobel of all rights to Olivia based on her total instability as a fit parent. Nate knew he and V were in for a long and drawn-out fight, but they were prepared. Isobel had screwed with them one time too many and his sweet Olivia had been used as the pawn for the last time. He took a steadying breath as the elevator door opened to an eerily quiet foyer. The temperature inside was a little too cool given the crisp fall evening and a heavy sense of foreboding washed over Nate. Slow realization came over him. Things were not right. The atrocious zebra-print rug, "art" according to Isobel, that had once adorned the foyer floor was mysteriously gone, along with several photos that had once been on the walls. Frantically, Nate took the stairs two at a time, unsuccessfully reassuring himself that Isobel had just done some redecorating and that he'd find Olivia cheerfully playing in her room. As he headed down the hall though, he knew he was fooling himself, and he stopped rushing, passing room after room of complete emptiness. Everything was gone. Furniture, window treatments, photos-anything that could signal life had been stripped and whisked away. A huge knot of fear and emotion settled into Nate's throat as he entered Olivia's room, the pink hue on the walls almost garish in the light pouring from the window. Expecting to find the same naked interior, Nate blinked when he saw one of Olivia's favorite stuffed animals, a panda Vanessa had gifted her with the first time she met her, propped up on the middle of the floor. The well-loved arms of the creature held a small white envelope with a hasty _Nathaniel_ scrawled across it. Almost afraid of what he'd read, Nate picked up the little bear and sat against the wall where Olivia's bed used to be. The card inside the envelope was written in a hurried version of Isobel's unique handwriting and Nate felt the bile rise in his throat as he saw the words that confirmed what he already knew. She was gone. Isobel had taken his daughter away and he hadn't the first idea where. He numbly searched for his phone, trying to reach Vanessa. The phone rang, but to no avail, and after four attempts he tried Dan, certain his punctual friend would be with Vanessa at the party for sure by now. After the awkward call, he waited for V to arrive, unsure of how to proceed in this nightmare…_

The rest of the evening had gone by in a blur. There was the stop at NYPD's Manhattan branch to report the kidnapping. There was the silent drive home to the brownstone. There was Nate's violent outburst once inside, resulting in a broken mirror in the front hall. There was Vanessa's attempt to do anything to comfort her new husband followed by Nate's heartless brush-off, explained only by him as "needing to be alone." And now he found himself here, self-pitying in his armchair, the nearby decanter of bourbon more than half empty. He pulled out the envelope and turned it in his hands, not needing to look inside to see the words as he'd already memorized them. _"See, I told you what the consequences would be. Until you want to be a proper family again, you'll never find us-I'll be sure of it."_ Nate sighed, remembering the small note included at the bottom of the card. _"…and take this toy back to that woman-I had no room for trash when we packed…"_ Even in her hasty exit, Isobel still found a way to dig at Vanessa, mostly Nate knew because every ounce of goodness in her reflected back to Isobel every ounce of malice in herself. Reminded of his wife, Nate slowly stood and walked upstairs, guiltily aware that the last thing either of them needed right now was to be alone. He entered their master suite and the image found there caused him almost as much pain as the earlier events had. There was his lovely Vanessa, curled in a ball and clutching the panda, sobbing-for herself, for him, and for Olivia. He immediately went to her, mumbling apologies about his earlier behavior. She held fast to his embrace, waving off his humble regrets with love and understanding. Their need for one another quickly found an outlet through passion, and they spent the rest of the evening nursing each other's wounds in a way words just couldn't do, tears flowing until they collapsed in fitful sleep.


	20. Nineteen

**Nineteen**

Scotch in one hand, sunglasses in the other, Chuck sighed as he took in the bright skies all around him. A smile crept across his face. Being a real estate tycoon certainly had its perks, including jetting off to places like Monaco on a private plane to scope out potential business acquisitions, and Chuck was loving every moment. Aside from the obvious bliss of being on a picturesque beach, his last minute spree to just south of France had afforded him some much needed time and distance to clear his head. The party at Serena's just four days ago had been a catastrophe, and not just for the fact that his best friend's daughter was now discovered to be missing. He had been relieved when he and Eliza had arrived to find the soiree _sans_ Blair, but his reprieve quickly vanished when she showed up _and_ with none other than the questionable Prescott Forbes in tow. Chuck had thought he'd put the evening of Nate's wedding behind him, chalking his massive blunder with Blair up to cold feet with Eliza, but the anger he felt for his lawyer belied his true feelings. He had silently cursed Nate for the day he'd encouraged Bass Industries to hire the powerhouse attorney, a partner from his firm, trying to convince himself that he'd be less irritated if he didn't know the man. As Prescott would rest a hand on Blair's arm or glance at her with a look any man in the room could recognize, Chuck felt like punching him, or at the very least, one of Serena's manicured walls. Sure, he wanted the shady litigator as his shark in the legal ocean of the business world, but the creep pawing at Blair was another story, and he rapidly found himself doing what he could to undermine Prescott throughout the thankfully short evening. The envy play was so unlike him, _the Chuck Bass_, and he was later disgusted with himself. He'd gotten over Blair before-numerous times, in fact, and now he'd just have to force himself to do it again. Lucky for him, Eliza was both too sweet and too unaware of his past with Blair to take much notice and the evening now seemed a distant memory as he soaked up the European sunshine. However, as thoughts of his new fiancée crept into his mind, Chuck felt guilty pangs hit him anew. Thoughts of his disastrous choices only a few weeks ago had plagued him day in and day out, made worse by the fact that through the years, he had grown a very unwelcome conscience. Worse yet, of all the things Chuck Bass would confess to being in his life-womanizer, playboy, even man~whore-_adulterer _was not one of them, not until almost three weeks ago anyway. In all of his days he had never lied to a woman about being faithful-he'd always just made it so he never had to be. Strings of one night stands and short, uncommitted relationships had always afforded him the variety he'd wanted, or at least needed to distract him from his years of nagging feelings for Blair. Then he met Eliza. True, he'd calmed down considerably by that time anyway, but something about the gentle Englishwoman lent itself to monogamy and Chuck easily fell into a relationship with her, as if the stars had aligned for them. It was no lie-he truly cared for her. Life with her had been so easy, so unlike it had ever been with Blair. He'd traded epic passion for comfortable predictability. Except now he'd betrayed his trusting and naïve fiancée, and he had no idea what to do next. Everything good inside of him begged his consciousness to confess and start their future marriage off right, if she'd still have him anyway, but something else, the dark parts of him still present from all those year ago, had prevented him from doing so, refusing to destroy the only thing he perceived he'd ever gotten right in his life. Truth had never gotten him very far with Blair and he was hesitant to believe Eliza could ever forgive him for his indiscretion. Breaking into his silent debate, as if by cosmic joke, his Blackberry hummed beside him, photo of a smiling Eliza on the screen to signal her call. He had brief thoughts of letting it go voicemail before he begrudgingly answered, speaking as nonchalantly as possible, hoping to belie the thoughts he'd just been having. "Hello my lovely lady-how does this fine day find you?" Eliza laughed, clearly glad to hear the sound of his voice. "My dearest Charles, I miss you! I know it's only been two days but I just can't seem to function without you. Beside, this ring is too beautiful a reminder of you!" Chuck swallowed hard, attempting to keep his guilt out of his voice. Without a second thought, he knew he needed to open the door for a conversation when he returned before he could talk himself out of it. With a steadying breath he spoke. "Hey E, I miss you too. I can't wait to see you when I get home. Let's plan dinner at the Palace for the evening I return home-I have a lot I need to talk about with you." There, he'd said it-no turning back…unless he could use the next 36 hours to come up with another "urgent" matter to talk about. He waited for her response. "Well darling, no need to wait-why not tell me now?" Chuck shuddered as realization hit him. Eliza's last words had not come to him through phone. Instead, the statuesque brunette was whispering over his shoulder, huge grin on her face. "Surprise! I told you I missed you!" she shouted, her glee mercifully clouding her ability to see Chuck's true reaction. As she pulled him into a forceful embrace, he sighed, unsure of where the next 24 hours might find him.

* * *

Chuck had never been more relieved to have private dining as a benefit of his clout in the hotelier world. The side room reserved for Eliza and his dinner was exquisite and on any other occasion he'd have enjoyed the atmosphere immensely. He knew, however, that this room would only provide the backdrop for his undoing and what would imaginably be the worst night of Eliza's innocent life. The special brand of Chuck Bass self-loathing he so often felt in his youth had returned in full-effect and he dreaded where the conversation would lead. He rose out of his seat when Eliza arrived, gorgeous as ever. Any man would kill to have a date with the lanky raven-haired beauty, let alone call her their fiancée. She had the looks and stature of a supermodel, but the brains and heart of the girl next-door and, in many ways, she was next to perfect. _Why couldn't you keep it in your pants around Blair then_, a small voice taunted in the back of his mind. Chuck shook his head slightly to remove all thoughts of his former lover, concentrating instead on making everything as comfortable as possible before delivering the blow. Eliza engaged him in idle chat about the flight over and his days on the property. Chuck answered, nerves steadied only by the glass of aged merlot in hand. He anxiously waited for her to prompt him for further details about what he'd mentioned mere hours ago, but as they moved into the second course, the woman had still not breeched his earlier conversation. Relaxing, Chuck retreated to his former self, more than happy not to divulge anything just yet. _Beside,_ he thought to himself as cowardice crept in, _this gives me more time to plan how I'll break the news…if I do_. The main course came and went and Chuck found himself ease, bantering with Eliza as always. As she gracefully picked at the generous slice of tiramisu brought out to finish her meal, he smiled at her. Looking at him, she gently replaced her fork, delicately wiping the corners of her mouth before taking a sip of her moscato, returning his smile as she swallowed. "Oh! Charles, how rude of me to forget," she started, and Chuck felt himself tense. "You mentioned you had some news or something for me earlier and I've gone on this long without remembering. Perhaps this is about the big day-I do hope you may actually be ready to contribute some ideas about the wedding!" she continued with a laugh. Chuck watched the joy in her face fall as she realized how somberly he was sitting. "Charles?" she said, pleading him to say something to relieve her sudden worry. He finished his wine and cleared his throat, anything to delay the now inevitable. As he spoke, he felt as if he were removed, watching himself from a corner. "E, you know how much I care for you." He paused while she nodded, eyes wide. "And you know," he continued, "that I never would want to hurt you." The words seemed too cliché, too surreal, and Chuck Bass was anything but tacky. He needed to approach this differently. "I don't know if you know this," he began, unsure of where he was headed, "but I had bought your ring months ago. I spoke with your father when we were in England to visit back in May and had made my plans to ask you to marry me. The only big decision I had left was when to do it. I wanted it to be a time that was special but when you'd never suspect. Finally, I thought of the perfect night-Nate and Vanessa's rehearsal dinner. We'd be happy, weddings would be in the air, and we could tell everyone after they got back. I had everything prepared and then you found out you had to be out of town. I thought that maybe that meant something was wrong, that maybe the time wasn't right. And then I did something I can't even explain." He let his words sink in and watched as Eliza deflated a little. He knew she didn't want to hear what was coming next, but she nodded for him to continue. "Before you knew me, I had many bad habits, but none was more of a vice than my propensity to use sex as a drug. I was so uncertain about our future and…" He trailed off, unable to force himself to say what needed to be said. With a heated calm, Eliza glared at him. "And what?" she angrily asked, tiptoeing the line between shouting and sobbing. Chuck swallowed hard, in disbelief that he was actually doing this. In a voice he barely recognized, he finished. "I self-medicated one last time, with the most volatile of all my drugs of choice." His eyes dropped. The Chuck Bass that was once unapologetic in his lifestyle was now waiting, tail between his legs, to be dealt his hand. Eliza unrelentingly stared at him, clearly attempting to add to his discomfort with her silence. A single tear finally escaped from her left eye, weaving a trail she furiously wiped away as soon as it had been laid. "So, you know her then?" she choked out, already aware of the answer. Absentmindedly she continued. "That almost makes it worse." Chuck couldn't bring himself to reveal the identity of his accomplice in the crime, knowing Blair's involvement would only make matters worse. He tried desperately to mend the hurt he'd caused. "E, I needed to tell you this so we could start fresh…I never meant for this to happen or to…" She threw a hand up. "Stop it-just stop it" she said, more irritation than sadness in her voice. With an abrupt motion, she removed the ring from her left hand and slammed it on the table and without another word exited the small room. Reaching for the diamond, Chuck sighed. It was done. He was both ashamed and embarrassed, but as he retreated to his suite, he recognized something was missing. After all, he'd just lost what he'd thought was the love of his life. However, no matter how hard he tried to muster up the feeling, Chuck knew that he just wasn't sad enough.

* * *

After another transatlantic flight just a day later, Chuck found himself in the darkened bar of the Palace, commiserating with Nate. As soon as he'd arrived back in New York, he took the opportunity to suggest the meeting, both to console his distraught friend as well as provide distraction from his newly tumultuous reality. Nate looked horrible-he'd never seen the always polished man so unkempt and sleep-deprived. The first hour of the night was spent catching Chuck up on the new details of Olivia's almost week-long disappearance. Though rare, the PI Nate and Vanessa had hired was pulling in promising bits of information, but the puzzle was still a jumble of pieces and they were exhausted at the prospect of the search ahead. Chuck listened, anger for his best friend's anguish replacing his own self-pity. He placed an understanding hand on Nate's shoulder, tossing back the scotch in his hand before speaking, tongue a little too loose as a consequence of the now nearly empty fifth sitting in front of the two men. "At least you have a wonderful wife," he started with a bittersweet tone. Nate smiled, appearing relieved to get off topic a bit. "You know Chuck, though it's hard to believe the day ever came, you're not too far off from that yourself" he said with a laugh. Chuck didn't answer, choosing instead to fill his highball with the remaining scotch. Nate's grin flattened. "What's up-why the silent brooding face?" Chuck scoffed. "I don't think so Nate-I'm not such a cad to turn your pity party into my own…" He trailed off, kicking himself for opening the current discussion with his prior observation about Vanessa. Truly concerned, Nate prodded on. "Seriously dude, what is going on?" In his weakened mental state, Chuck caved and fished something out of his pocket, tossing it carelessly to his friend. Turning the glittering object in his hand, Nate gave a questioning look. "This is Eliza's ring" he noted before realization hit. Nate groaned with simultaneous compassion and disappointment. "I effed it up royally," Chuck began before Nate could even speak. "Of course, she had no choice but to give the ring back." The two men sat in silence, each wallowing in their respective and collective misery. Finally, Nate broke the stillness. "So, though I can only imagine, what did you do?" Chuck stared forward numbly as Nate took a long sip of his remaining liquor. "I slept with Blair" he offered, the four little words spoken so matter-of-factly they may as well have been about the weather. Nate choked, spitting the golden liquid all over the immediate area. A barrage of words bathed Chuck as Nate spoke with disbelief, his monologue studded with frustrated "_not again's_" and incredulous "_what were you thinking's_." A vibration from the bar top interrupted the tirade and Chuck waved off the ranting as he answered the unlisted number. A shaky feminine voice answered and he immediately recognized Eliza on the other end. She briefly thanked him for picking up, afraid he'd ignore the mystery call. She explained she had immediately gotten a new number to prevent any calls from him. He waited for her to continue in guilty silence, suddenly realizing he had never even tried to reach her once since Monaco. Her next words astonished him. "Can I meet you?" she asked quietly, her English-accent almost enhanced by her timidity. He hesitantly agreed and directed her to his permanent suite at the Palace. With minimal explanation, she told him she'd be there within twenty minutes. As he hung up the phone, Chuck found Nate watching his reactions. "That was cryptic," he started, unsure why Eliza would want to talk so soon given his unforgivable indiscretion. He quickly filled Nate in and excused himself for the evening, promising Nate to keep Olivia in mind and reminding his friend to call him if he needed anything. With their good-byes, Chuck headed up to the familiar rooms he held upstairs, very curious to see what the already late night and Eliza's unexpected visit held in store.


	21. Twenty

To my fantabulous readers...thanks for all your patience over the course of this piece! I've really tried lately to update more regularly but that can come at a price. Hopefully everything is still deliciously up-to-snuff! Keep the reviews coming (because who doesn't love an ego boost!) and enjoy-there is still so much more to come!

* * *

**Twenty**

Vanessa slouched aimlessly in her desk chair, more uncomfortable than she'd been all week. She surveyed the freshly painted walls around her, her spirits slightly raised as she realized that the clinic was finally nearing its grand opening. After years of brainstorming and months of hard work, the patient rooms were complete and stocked, the lab was almost up and running, and her office looked like it belonged to an actual physician. She and Serena had arrived. Unfortunately, she couldn't enjoy their success. Thoughts of Nate and Olivia clouded her mind nearly every hour of the day with no end in sight. She'd cried so much in the past week that her eyes had often run dry and she was beginning to feel every ounce of emotional pain physically. Her back was sore, she had a runny nose she couldn't shake, and today she just felt flat-out ill. She sighed and blew her nose, aware that she needed to pull herself together before Blair arrived shortly. Vanessa wasn't sure what her friend had needed to see her about at the clinic so urgently, but she welcomed the temporary diversion. Over the now week since Olivia's abduction was discovered, she had avoided almost all contact with anyone but Nate or the PI, guiltily convinced she should be devoting all her time outside of work to finding her step-daughter and consoling Nate. However, Blair's call had reminded her of how much she missed her friends and how much she needed them to surround her, and Nate, during this time. A rush of emotion came over her as she thought of her new husband. After the first rocky evening when Nate had lost his temper in front of her for the first time in all their years together, he'd been amazing. Not only was he fully invested in finding Olivia, but he'd gone out of his way to be sweet to her, with the true understanding that she was taking this just as hard as him. Over the years, Olivia had become like her own child, and with her flaky and inconsistent mother, Vanessa had always had sneaking suspicions that Olivia sometimes felt the same bond. She smiled, remembering the darling little girl who she had come to love nearly as much as her father. Nate had done everything to make them feel like a family and Vanessa was honored to be a part of it, no matter how geographically fractured their current situation was. _Well, at least it can't get any more complicated_, she thought to herself, frustration overcoming her anew. Suddenly, a wave a nausea hit, and she rushed to the small bathroom adjoining her office, mentally cursing how run-down she'd let herself get. With each horrid retch, she felt herself get weaker and when her stomach finally relented, she slumped against the cool slate wall, strange relief settling into her. Despite the inopportune way it happened, she had to admit she certainly felt better than she had all morning. Shifting her weight in an attempt to get up, the dull ache in her back returned, cutting some of her reprieve short. She settled back against the wall, happy to wallow a little longer in her discomfort. As quiet moments passed, Vanessa checked her phone for the time, positive that Blair was likely to be close to arriving. With a glance at the screen, she paled and felt a pit form in her now settled abdomen. _That can't be the right date_, she thought as she raced through quick math in her mind. Obviously the stress had taken its toll-she'd completely lost track of time. All of a sudden, the constellation of symptoms she was feeling seemed a little too familiar and her Ivy-educated brain reeled with realization. She frantically stood, headed for the supply closet next door to the lab. Searching anxiously, she finally located what she was looking for and hurriedly walked back to her office, afraid for what she knew was to come next. The minutes ticked by, each one seeming to take longer than the next. She paced back and forth, sure she'd wear her newly-laid carpet thin. Just as she was about to check the bathroom counter, Blair barged in her office door, looking almost as nervous as Vanessa herself. Her look dissolved immediately, replaced by concern as she spotted Vanessa. Rushing to her friend she put an arm on her shoulder. "V, you don't look well-are you ok?" she asked, clearly convinced she was not. Barely before she finished her question, Vanessa threw up a hand to excuse herself and ran back into her bathroom, another flash of nausea threatening to embarrass her right in front of Blair. As she knelt on the floor, she couldn't hold back, positive Blair could hear the dreadful sounds she was unable to stop. She didn't care. Again, with thankful rapidity, sweet relief overcame her and she relaxed against a nearby cupboard. Without hesitation, Blair broke into the small room, worry for her friend apparent in her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak then gasped. "V-is this what I think it is?" she asked as she picked up the thin plastic indicator on the counter. Vanessa nodded weakly. Blair swallowed, her own issues evidently forgotten for the moment. "Here…" she trailed as she handed the object to Vanessa. She rose to her feet slowly. "I don't need to look-I already know…I'm pregnant." A long silence followed before Vanessa quietly continued. "Damn it" she said, as she collapsed onto Blair's shoulder with a deluge of tears.

* * *

_Now? Seriously? _ Vanessa's thoughts furiously buzzed as she tried to calm her nerves with the cup of decaffeinated tea in her unsteady hands. She looked into the steaming cup, unable to suppress the sarcastic laugh that bubbled up. Decaf tea-she hateddecaf _anything_. This little thing inside of her was already altering her life and she hadn't even told his or her daddy yet. Pain gripped at her heart as she thought about the task ahead of her. Not only had they discussed waiting another few years for more kids, what with the clinic newly opening and adjusting to married life, but now she and Nate had to deal with the heart-wrenching issue of a missing child. She didn't know how she could spring this news on him, especially at this time. After Blair comforted her for a bit, the two women had talked and Vanessa had started to feel increasingly stupid that she'd missed the signs of something she was trained to see immediately with her patients. Blair had done her best to soothe her, but Vanessa knew that she'd need time to adjust. Luckily, Blair had needed some advice herself and the two soon moved onto other issues, both women subconsciously aware that it was the best thing Vanessa at the time. She took a sip of tea and thought about her friend. True, her own life was a jumble, but Blair had shared her own problems, swearing her to secrecy. She did not envy the position Blair was in but she had offered to help in any way she could. Their meeting was brief, ending with hugs and tears before Vanessa had to rush to her bathroom for a third time. Sighing deeply, Vanessa curled into the plush armchair, happy to be nausea free for the moment. The grandfather clock at the bottom of the stairs chimed for the six o'clock hour and she felt a wave of panic set in. Nate would be home soon and she still had no idea what she was going to do. Guilt and irritation clouded her mind as she thought about everything that was to come. The continued vomiting. The expanding waistlines. The odd cravings. The needing to pee all the time. The inability to breathe properly. She cringed as the list mentally went on. Then she had a thought, brought on by her memories of birth after birth she'd experienced with her patients. For all the discomfort, awkwardness, and pain, at the end of it all, there would be a baby and that always changed everything. The dynamic of the labor suite would go from angry shouts and agonizing screams to tears of absolute and pure joy. In all her exasperation all day long, she'd failed to think of the one huge positive. In a short 35 weeks, a little piece of Nate and her would make his or her way into the world. A smile she could not restrain crept over her face. True, telling Nate when he was nearly destroyed over Olivia was not going to be easy, but the sudden image of a little boy or little girl with his eyes was all the motivation she needed to give the surprising news. Warmth spread through her as she daydreamed about nurseries and baby clothes, more at peace than she'd been in several days. In the distance, a door clicked and she tensed slightly. _This is it_, she thought, nervous and excited all at once. As she heard Nate's footsteps taking the stairs two by two, Vanessa wondered what his hurry was. With his forceful entry into their room, she could only guess. The grin on Nate's face was unmistakable. "V, today was the best day yet!" he started excitedly. "It's not much, but the PI thinks he may have located the account Isobel has been using to fund everything!" Vanessa could feel her face light up as she hurried toward her beaming husband, throwing her arms around him. "Nate, that's almost the best news all day!" She smiled coyly. With a curious eyebrow raised, Nate opened his mouth to speak but she held a finger to his lips. "Ah, ah, ah" she tsked, "it's a surprise-I'll tell you all about it over dinner. Now take me somewhere we can celebrate!"


	22. Twenty One

so, it's been awhile again...hopefully it's worth the wait...and being the girl I am, I love your feedback!

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**Twenty-One**

Blair rubbed her temples slowly as she sat at a light in her Lexus hybrid. In an effort to keep face, she was heading to lunch with Prescott despite her current disposition. The man wasn't exactly her boyfriend and she didn't really owe him an explanation had she decided to cancel, but proper society women kept appointments no matter how irritable they were. She sighed as images of the devilishly handsome lawyer played in her mind. True, she could have done worse-the man caught the eye of nearly any woman when he entered a room-but she couldn't see herself spending too much more time with him. Something about him was just…cold. Loaded with money, smart, and gorgeous, but cold. She smirked as she realized how far she'd come, more than aware that Old Blair would have easily overlooked emotion in the face of so many other "important" qualities. Perhaps today at lunch was as good as time as any to inform him that she just wouldn't be able to see him anymore. Besides, he'd already served the purpose she'd intended for him. The tension she was feeling post the wedding incident had left her terrified to see Chuck again and she was drawn back into her calculating ways, using Prescott as a way to fluff her feathers. Though Eliza may have been oblivious, Blair hadn't missed Chuck's ridiculous efforts to "out-man" her date at Serena's party and she was more than satisfied…Round One had handily gone to the Queen B herself. Chuck had been borderline pathetic and Blair was ecstatic to know she could still get under more than just his clothes. It was almost a relief to be back to their old games because frankly, it was just easier that way. No painful emotions, no empty promises, no need for explanations-just good clean Upper East Side manipulation and baiting, Waldorf-Bass style. There was just no room in her busy life for pity parties about Chuck Bass. They'd each made their choices and Blair was convinced they were for the best. Despite her resolve, a "what-could-have-been" thought flashed across her mind before she could squelch it, adding to her already prickly mood. She didn't have time for this, she angrily reminded herself. Xavier was sick again, her mother had given her an unreasonable deadline for the spring collection design budgets, and she had a host of other things on her mind, far from least being the test results Vanessa had yet to get back to her. It had only been two days since she'd seen V at the clinic and she was trying to cut her newly stressed friend a break, but she needed to have answers, even though she was pretty sure she already knew them. Her life was too planned out for uncertainty. _I'll just go see her right now_, she thought to herself, her frustrations getting the best of her. As she pulled up to the restaurant, Blair decided she'd just walk in and give a brief hello before leaving for Vanessa's office. To hell with proper society etiquette…besides, she thought to herself, she'd ceased being "proper society" years ago when she became a single mother of two and ran away for nearly four years. Gracefully entering the bistro, she scanned the room, hoping to quickly locate Prescott and shortly be on her way. She finally noticed him at the back of the large room, nearly blocked by the other patrons filling all of the hard-to-get tables. Clutching her Birkin close to her side, she adeptly maneuvered toward him, relieved she'd soon be exiting the too crowded establishment. As she finally approached him her heart leapt into her mouth. He wasn't alone. She swallowed as she plastered a perfect society smile on her perfect society face. Prescott stood and after a chaste and distant peck he offered reintroductions. "Oh, no need," Blair began as she graciously held her hand to her opponent, "so nice to see you again _Charles_." His name came off her lips as a mix of acid and sugary sweetness. His eyes said it all as he just nodded in response, the subtle smirk on his face luring her to lose her marbles in front of her dashing beau. She countered him, all too aware she couldn't leave now. The gauntlet had been thrown and Blair Waldorf never backed down from a good challenge. Round Two was just about to begin and as she took a sip of her water she whispered to herself "_game on_."

* * *

The time was ticking by and with no end to her lunch in sight, Blair found herself searching for any legitimate, or at least believable, reason why she had to leave. Chuck wouldn't buy any old excuse and she couldn't let him leave thinking he'd won. True, he'd been manageable thus far, without giving any hint to their past, and, _er_, recent, history together, but Blair couldn't shake the feeling that something awful might be yet to come. Beside, he was clearly enjoying her discomfort, a realization that infuriated her. Per Prescott's insistence, the three of them had passed the time before their meals arrived by chatting about Constance and St. Jude's, sharing the play-by-play on how they knew each other. Though she couldn't be sure, Blair could almost have sworn the man was suspicious of her and Chuck's prior trysts by the faintly jealous way in which he was inquiring. Talk moved onto universities and career and inevitably, the conversation turned to Bass Industries. By an hour into the meal, Prescott was prattling on about Chuck's newest merger and its legal ramifications. Somehow, of everyone she could have chosen to flaunt in front of Chuck, she'd managed to choose his business lawyer, and ironic twist of fate not lost on her. In his usual cold manner, Prescott had barely noticed she'd all but dropped out of the conversation and she sat sipping a hot tea, content to have yet escaped any of Chuck's impeccably devised jabs and questions. Suddenly, Blair snapped back to attention as her date stood from the table. _ Don't leave me here with him_, she silently pled as Prescott placed his napkin down, excusing himself to the restroom. She steeled herself quickly, aware that if there would be determining moment in their afternoon game of "crack the ex," this would be it. With more steadiness than she thought possible, Blair gently placed her teacup on the table and stared at Chuck with her famous ice queen gaze. As she suspected, he sat unflinching. Without warning, he began to snicker, a noise that was both repugnant and oddly alluring to the now confused Blair. "_What_" she asked, her voice dripping with poison. An obnoxious sneer came over Chuck's face as he spoke. "Seriously? A_ Waldorf _with that excuse for a man?" He paused for effect. "Clearly someone is desperate." Blair fumed, furious that he knew exactly how to push her buttons. "Well,_ dear_ Charles," she began, a warning tone thinly veiled in her voice, "some of us are forced to settle for wildly attractive and successful lawyers. We can't all be the lady love of conniving and adulterous real estate moguls." She watched as her comment hit home, satisfied that she'd unnerved his composure. A dark look clouded Chuck's eyes and Blair knew that she'd opened herself to a world of Chuck Bass pain, a place she was all too familiar. He took of sip of his Burgundy before laying into her. Every word was spoken deliberately, clearly aimed at torturing her slowly. "As cliché as the old adage goes, _dear_ Blair, it does take two to tango. I don't recall any resistance as I slowly undressed you that night, kissing every last inch of you along the way." Blair felt her cheeks flush, all too aware of the nearness of the other lunch patrons. He pushed his chair near, keenly attune to his effect on her. "Each little moan you made as I touched you at your very core was not one to admonish my advances but rather sweet sounds of encouragement." He continued to move closer and Blair took in her breath sharply as she pointlessly attempted to control the pounding of her pulse. She watched as he slowly moved his hands as he described their fateful night. "When I was inside of you, you welcomed me with open arms instead of pushing me away." Her mouth was dry and she was embarrassed at the thought of what his mere words were doing to her below the Egyptian cotton tablecloth. He leaned in, almost whispering into her ear, his closeness causing her flesh to prickle. "And, as you came, there was no mention of my fiancé…only my name crossed your lips." Chuck backed away abruptly and Blair looked feebly to see Prescott re-joining them, oblivious to Chuck's musings. She sat, still reeling and practically out of breath, as Prescott took his seat, looking concerned. "Blair, what ever is the matter? You look feverish." Blair took a hasty sip of water, aware that her reaction was exactly what Chuck had planned. "Nothing to worry about. I felt slightly ill and Charles checked on me…I'll be fine." She frowned, hiding her scowl in another swallow from her glass. "Perhaps I should be going now anyway," she added, admitting defeat. As she stood to collect her things, Chuck lazily sat back in his chair, clearly enjoying his victory. "You two make such a nice couple…Eliza and I should really do dinner with you sometime soon." Blair felt bile rise in her throat at the thought of a meal with her ex-lover, his gorgeous fiancé, and the insipid Prescott. She turned to place a quick kiss on Prescott's cheek as Chuck opened his mouth and continued. "I do hope that Blair has invited you to the gala being thrown for the clinic's grand opening next week." Frustration washed over Blair but she hid it adeptly as she pulled her Burberry trench tightly around her. "Oh, I'm sure Prescott is far too busy for silly society parties." She smiled at both men, unsure if her tone had come off to sickly sweet. "Blair, you should have let me know," Prescott started with too much excitement. "How can I pass up an opportunity to show off the loveliest woman in Manhattan." Her expression fell slightly. Another point for Team Bass. As she said her good byes and beelined for the door in the most graceful manner she could muster, she wondered how Chuck had suddenly taken the lead.

* * *

As Blair waited for the valet to return her car, she felt her face go red with fury. Not only had Chuck made a fool of her by taunting her with the one power he still managed to hold over her, but he had forced her hand in inviting Prescott out yet again. Obviously Chuck had picked up that she was already bored with the lawyer, a fact that Blair had hoped she'd hid better. She sighed as her Birkin began to vibrate. Snatching the cell out of the meticulously organized bag, she found a text awaiting her from a number she didn't recognize. With a quick click she opened the message. "_You can thank my dear 'sister' for giving me your number…hope you enjoyed our game-I know I did. C_" Blair wanted to throw her phone against the nearby brick wall. _That bastard_, she thought vehemently to herself. She continued to fume, deleting the message, but not before she saved the number. Better to be prepared for the next time, she thought as she angrily punched in the letters C H U C K. As she went to place her phone back into her bag she saw the flashing icon indicating she had missed a call and message. She hesitantly dialed into her voicemail, nervous that she might have to hear Chuck's spiteful voice all over again. She was instead greeted with a nervous sounding Vanessa. "_B, I'm so sorry to have taken so long to get back…the lab has hit some snags but better we find that out now I guess…sorry, off track. I need to see you ASAP. B, I'm so sorry, and I didn't want to tell you over the phone, but I know you have been waiting to know…the test results came back positive. I know we need to discuss where you go next, but at least for now I called in a prescription I need you to start right away. Call me as soon as you get this_." Blair barely felt the phone as it fell from her hands and made a loud crack on the ground and all she managed was a mumbled "fuck" before fat tears fell from her chocolate eyes.


	23. Twenty Two

sad face...I miss the reviews! hope you're all still enjoying :-)

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**Twenty-Two**

_This is ridiculous_, Serena thought to herself as she checked herself in the mirror for the umpteenth time. _I am a grown woman-I've been on dates…what is my problem? _Her thoughts continued to roil as she changed again, this time into the black, full-skirted Valentino that fit like it was made for her. Paired with her red patent peep toes she finally decided she looked just right. Not too wild but with flair. Tom Rockford was the kind of man who could be just right for her and she was desperate to look more lady-like than she ever felt. She smiled as thoughts his voice sprung into her mind, recalling her conversation with him just yesterday…_"Well, fancy hearing from a lovely lady like you," Tom said with a chuckle. "I was starting to think I'd played our first meeting all wrong and I had to second guess playing the nice guy…I thought maybe you were looking for someone a little, I don't know, edgier." _Serena had felt a laugh rise in her, one of the first in the long week that had followed her painful dinner party. Spurred both by her misery and anger at reliving Dan Humphrey-related-pain yet again and at seeing her other friends lives crumble right on the advent of their happy union, she had decided that life was too short to wallow. It was time to put herself out there again. It was time to call the handsome and kind deli shop stranger. Over the phone, they had fallen into easy banter and Serena wondered why it had taken so long for her to call. Tom was truly as previously advertised-he actually was just a really nice guy, a rare commodity in the often soulless world of New York City-and he was insanely hot to boot, a trait that hadn't escaped Serena's memory. Before she could talk herself out of moving too quickly, she found herself inviting him for a meal at the new Brazilian steakhouse that was opening near the clinic. And now, here she found herself, buzzing about like a lame teenager trying to get every last detail perfect. _When did I lose my confidence_, she wondered. The Old Serena was hot stuff that never let nerves get to her, least of all in the man department. Sadness came over her as she instinctually remembered cruel snippets of the events that had killed her former free spirit. _No_, her consciousness hissed, _no gloomy memories allowed tonight!_ After some calming breaths, she began to smooth the pleats of her dress. Soon, doubt over her choice reared again and she was about to head back into her expansive closet when the doorman buzzed to signal the arrival of her guest. She froze. In less than two minutes she was headed out on her first date in almost a year…and, she realized with some surprise, the only one she'd actually cared this much about going on since her and Dan's final break-up years ago. With a final peak in the small mirror near her to assure herself that she still looked fine, Serena hastily headed to the foyer. A knock on her door sent a shiver down her spine. _This is it,_ she thought as she swallowed hard. Opening the door slowly, she couldn't help the smile that crossed her face as she spotted the tall man. He looked amazing. Somehow he'd managed to look calm and casual and yet so polished all at once and she was about to tell him what she thought when he beat her to the punch. His words, or lack thereof, quickly allayed any fears she'd had about her appearance. "Wow," he said softly, "you look…wow."

* * *

A fabulous dinner had transitioned into more chatting at a wine bar Tom knew of only minutes from the restaurant. Everything was going superbly and Serena felt relaxed as she took a small sip of her moscato. Though it had only been one evening, she felt as if she knew all she needed about the man. He was involved in the community, had a career he was mad about, and even loved his mom. It was all too perfect. She could barely keep herself from asking "what's the catch" as he described his recent attendance of his five year old niece's dance recital. As if he could read the question in her eyes, Tom smirked as he set down his brandy. "What," he asked with a playful tone. "Oh nothing," Serena started as she thought of a tactful way to word her thoughts. "It's just-well, what I mean to say is…you're perfect." He snickered, clearly shocked by her words, and she smiled realizing he was humble too. "You know Serena, you're not exactly slim-pickin's yourself. Pretty and a doc…I am a lucky bastard, that's for sure. I'm sure every man here is hoping to buy some of the magic dust that is apparently drawing you to me." She laughed and felt her cheeks redden slightly at the joke-veiled compliment. She'd never been one to need validation, but after the heartbreak she'd experienced, kind words from a kind man were like balm for her wounds. Until this night, she'd only seen five other men in the nine years since her and Dan's tumultuous and final ending. There was her senior capstone class graduate assistant from Brown, a brooding man far too much like her then recent ex but without any of the passion or heart of Dan. There was her lab partner during her first year as a med student, a blond haired Adonis type who sought her out only for what could be described as "extra anatomy lessons." She barely remembered the next two, both whirlwind flings arranged by Vanessa and Nate in an attempt brighten her spirits during her very dark fourth year of med school. Finally there was Dr. Kian Adams. He was a dangerous package deal-a man her former self would have flocked to immediately. She'd hesitated his every advances-she was his resident, he her attending, a lethal combo far too reminiscent of some lame TV medical show. She finally caved, only to have her budding romance crushed the night she found him in bed with one of the fair-haired beauties in the new intern class. It had been a long year since that time and after all her ups and downs, she wasn't sure how she'd ever manage to trust another man. With an absentminded sip from her glass, she wondered if this time was finally different. "Hello, earth to Serena" Tom interjected with a grin. "I adore looking at you uninterrupted, but you seem like you might not return from whatever place you just visited." She giggled, slightly embarrassed by her inability to stay focused. Tom soon had her engaged in a fun game of people watching and the minutes slipped away with ease. Before she knew it, the petite waitress was warning them of the final call. Tom helped her into her purple satin night coat and the two were soon traveling back to her penthouse in his 300C. Serena found her nerves on the rise again as she faced the dilemma she somehow always forgot about until right before it happened…what next? _Do I ask him up when he drops me off? What do people do these days_, she wondered to herself, again surprised at how much she'd changed since her youth. Too soon, they arrived at her building. The perfect gentleman, Tom rounded the car to open the door as Serena composed herself, still unsure of how to proceed. As if he read her mind, Tom squared her shoulders to his as she stood. He leaned in and, oh, it was magic. His kiss was perfect, just as he'd been-all the right softness with all the right heat. He smiled as he pulled away. "Hopefully, that's just a preview for another time," he whispered. With that, he walked back to his car and drove off into the dark streets. Serena felt ethereal, like a sixteen year old home from her first date and her dreams that night were finally ones she didn't regret having in the morning.


	24. Twenty Three

still trekking on with the story...hope you're loving it as much as I'm loving coming up with it!

hopefully I'll still be able to keep posting pretty regularly...and I'm still trying to keep things pretty even between the characters!

...and I still own none of the characters-boo

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**Twenty-Three**

It was time for another astoundingly boring, afternoon-long meeting with the publisher and Dan needed little excuse to zone out. Not only did he have ahead of him the task of explaining why he was now three weeks behind on the latest installment in his newest novel but he had his mind on the penguin-suit affair Nate had somehow roped him into attending later in the evening. As the chief editor for his latest series of books laid into him for his tardiness on the new manuscript, he was lost in thoughts of running into Serena at the charity ball, an inevitable fact since she was in essence one half of the to-be-honored clinic, and all the discomfort that was likely to ensue. He had never meant to dredge up all their old issues at the party and had successfully spent the last almost two weeks thinking about his grievous error at the expense of finishing chapters seven through twelve as he had casually promised his agent before Nate and Vanessa's wedding. Worse yet, if he still knew Serena as well as he thought, she had also likely had a miserable time since the dinner. _How could she not after what you reminded her of_, a voice in his head pounded. He listened to the vague droning voice of his editor as he continued to ponder his ex_. I wonder if she still thinks about everything as often as I do…of course she does…what happened…how I responded_…His thoughts trailed as shameful memories clouded his consciousness, disgust at his years-old, unforgivable mistake rising anew. A sharply spoken "Dan!" brought him back to reality. "I am so sorry to disrupt your precious 'you' time, but we have a serious problem here." His editor looked like she was about to breathe fire and all Dan managed was a half-hearted "sorry." Her eyes narrowed as she continued. "I wish you weren't such a damn good writer….then I wouldn't have to put up with all your ludicrousness." She continued to mumble her distaste as she called for everyone to take a quick break. Dan sighed, aware that he needed to get focused and fast. Sure, he took his career seriously and he loved it with everything he had, but he knew that the self-assuredness that had come with so many bestsellers had made him cocky and, at times, plain lazy. Knowing he could take his sweet time to procure a masterpiece was leeway he was taking advantage of far too often as of late. He threw a sidelong glance to his agent, dutifully at his side for the whole of the tirade. "Sorry man," Dan began to his friend. "I know my ability to provide you a stress-free life is seriously under need of re-evaluation…sorry you're stuck in my mess." The man smiled weakly. "What I do for you…" The two laughed. "I have an idea," Dan started. "You've had my back so often this past few weeks…why don't you just get going a little early. There isn't much left for her to say to me anyway unless she's spending the break looking up new names to call me. I think I can handle her for the rest of the meeting…it's the least I can do." His agent looked relieved. "Dan, this couldn't be more perfect. I have another date with that woman I was telling you about tonight, so this will give me more than enough time to arrange to sweep her off her feet yet again." Dan made a face of mock surprise. "_Another_ date–with _you_? Hmmm, the women in this town have lowered their standards…" The men laughed again as his agent packed to leave, waving his good bye as he left the large boardroom office. As Dan waited for his editor and her minions to return, his mind wandered to his own lack of a date for the party this evening, and when the meeting soon started again, he made a mental note to ask his agent if this new girl of his had any friends.

* * *

The clinic was a masterpiece. Even Dan could appreciate what a fantastic job Eliza and her architecture team had done in renovating the old south Manhattan department store, masterfully converting it to a one-of-a-kind medical space tailor made to treat the underprivileged women and children it was intended for. From the serene colors on every wall, plush patient exam rooms, and happy characters artfully painted on the wall in the children's wing, the clinic had been transformed into a haven even well-paying clients would want to be seen at. As Eliza and Chuck passed, Dan offered his congratulations to her, praising her vision. Per her usual sweet self, Eliza humbly accepted, passing along much of the honor to her staff and the benefactors who'd afforded her such freedom in design. The three chatted nonchalantly until Eliza was called to join a group taking a photo across the main lobby. Dan and Chuck continued to talk, walking through the pre-set tour designed to show donors exactly what their money and efforts had paid for. "Dan, you look like you need to indulge in something relaxing…" Chuck assessed as he picked up on Dan's apprehension. "…or at least tall and sexy" he finished casually with a swig from his scotch. Dan raised his eyebrow, trying not to laugh at his friend's suggestion. "You know what Chuck, I think I can honestly say that the last thing I probably need is another woman." They both laughed, aware that in his success as a writer and as a new widower, Dan had surpassed even Chuck as Manhattan's new playboy. "Seriously though," Chuck warned, "you need to chill out. I don't know what's gotten you so tense tonight, but you are not allowed to come to the dinner later if you insist on being this uptight." Dan cringed at the reminder of what was yet to come. His anxiety at seeing Serena in this limited environment had been hard enough to manage, let alone the fact that he still had to stomach a charity ball immediately after. He grabbed a flute of champagne off a nearby valet's tray and downed the crystal liquid in one swill, hoping to cut the edge. Chuck punched him playfully on the shoulder. "That's a way to start." He patted Dan on the shoulder again before heading off to find his fiancé among the crowd. Alone, Dan continued to wander aimlessly through the procedure rooms and administrative offices, hoping he'd at least run into Nate, or at least Vanessa, before having to see her partner. Without looking, he turned to enter the next room and ran smack dab into the last person he'd expected to see at the event. "Tom?" he asked with mild surprise. "I didn't realize _this_ was what you meant when you said you had a date." He shot a relieved look at his agent and friend, glad to not be the only one roped into the long evening ahead. "Well, you know how much I love paying a crap-load of money to dress up for tiny finger foods and hob-knobbing with well-out-of-my-league company," Tom started. "Now if I can only find my date to rescue me…" he trailed off with a chuckle. "Oh, big mistake my friend," Dan chided with mock austerity. "You never let the girl have you 'meet her' at something like this…too much can go wrong!" The men laughed. Suddenly, Dan heard a familiar voice come up from behind him. "Tom, I've been looking everywhere for you," she exclaimed. "Oh! Who's your frie…" Serena trailed off, her bright green eyes immediately filled with confusion and pain only he knew how to read. Dan felt his face wilt as realization hit him. Of course it would be _her_, the magical mystery girl Tom had spent the last week raving about. Unconscious of the awkward connection already between the two, Tom smiled warmly and proceeded with introductions he didn't realize were completely unnecessary. "Dan, this is Serena, my hot date for the night…and Serena, this is the infamous Dan Humphrey, writer extraordinaire and my very first client." The two stared at each other, eyes wide with disbelief at the karmic joke apparently being played on them. With a recovery Dan had to admire, Serena broke the pause first, smiling at Tom. "I seem to have beaten you to the punch…I have known Dan for ages and have been a fan of his writing for almost as long." Tom slapped his head jokingly. "Ah yes," he said, "how could I forget-the dear old Constance-St Jude connection." Dan mouthed a silent "thank you" to Serena for her gracious save, aware that the kind comment had probably cost her heart dearly. Excusing himself with as much grace as he could muster, he sought the nearest door, desperate for some air. Not only had Serena started to move on, but she'd managed to pick one of the nicest guys he knew. Dan sighed, realizing that he wasn't even that mad. She deserved someone like Tom after the life she'd had, after what he'd done to her. But as he watched them through the rest of the night, his desire to see her happy again still wasn't quite enough to soothe the ache at seeing her smile that genuine sunshine smile for someone else.


	25. Twenty Four

**Twenty-Four**

By Chuck's standards, thus far the gala affair had been a success, and not just measured in donations raised for the clinic. Though he was sure she'd be making her entrance any minute, so far there had been no sign of a one Blair Waldorf. As a member of the board for the clinic and as the staff financial supervisor, Blair would undoubtedly have to make an appearance at the important charity event, but Chuck had been relieved to find out from Serena that she wouldn't be able to join the festivities until after the party moved from the clinic tour to the Palace ballroom for the dinner and dancing portion of the evening. His head was still reeling from the stunt he'd pulled at lunch the other day and any extra time was more than welcome to prepare for what she'd likely been scheming in revenge all week. A sighed escaped from his lips as he recalled how borderline he'd been during the catastrophic meal. True, his efforts to rile up her irritatingly detached demeanor had been overwhelmingly successful, but his tortuous recall of their torrid rendezvous had brought his blood to a boil as well, a side effect he'd not accounted for. _Fine_, he thought to himself_, so I still think she's hot…but that doesn't mean anything_. He sipped slowly from his Chianti, attempting to convince himself he was being honest and failing miserably. Scanning the ballroom floor, his eyes eventually rested on the sight of his fiancé as she patiently laughed at the jokes of a lovable but senile donor. _What did I ever do to deserve her?_ he pondered as guilt washed over him anew. She was kind, smart, and, as was evidenced by her incomprehensible act mere days after his admission of infidelity, incredibly forgiving. Eliza was everything he'd ever wanted…except that she wasn't Blair Waldorf. Chuck sighed as watched as the gorgeous Englishwoman gracefully made her way to the next batch of "some-bodies" she needed to rub elbows with. She caught his gaze from across the room and shot him a smile, genuine and warm. Smiling back, he cringed inwardly, almost angry at her for taking him back so easily. Not only did it serve to make him feel worse, but he knew it was also partially why he felt like he was so entitled to continue walking such a fine line with Blair. He'd had his cake and eaten it too and now he was continuing to push the envelope with no consequences in sight. Swallowing the last of his wine, he resolved that tonight would be the end. No more games of cat and mouse. Chuck Bass was a taken man and he knew it was about time to start acting like one. That was, of course, until _she_ walked in. It was as if everything around him was still. Blair was breathtaking. Dressed in a black backless vintage piece, her hair in forties –style waves and her lips drenched in crimson, Chuck felt his breath catch. Though he'd honestly thought it impossible after seeing his Valentino-clad fiancé looking so nearly perfect earlier, Blair was _easily_ outshining Eliza, a fact that both infuriated and aroused him. Unable to stop himself, he continued to stare, drinking in the sight of her. She was practically _glowing_. His heart quickened as he saw Prescott enter closely behind her, his vile hand on the small of her porcelain back. All too aware that punching the man would raise more than a few eyebrows, he clenched his fists at his side, focusing again on the woman who had his temperature rising uncontrollably. And then he saw _it_. Clearly, she hadn't forgotten its significance and clearly, after lunch, she was out for blood. There on her elegant neck sat a glittering mass of diamonds he'd never forget. _The_ necklace. The one he'd bought for her all those years ago for her 17th birthday in an attempt to tell her what she meant to him without actually having to say it. But it wasn't just what the necklace had meant then, but more importantly what the jewels had come to represent. Though he couldn't pinpoint an exact time when, somewhere along their dysfunctional history, the necklace had come to symbolize one thing, pure and simple-sex. Through college and grad school, if she chose to drape herself in the diamonds it was just as good as her saying "take me now." His mouth went dry as memories of their prior trysts flooded his already distracted mind. She'd known exactly what she was doing when she chose the piece, and he seethed as he fought to regain control of his thoughts. Without warning, she looked directly at him through the crowd, a perfectly manicured eyebrow raised in a delicate arc. She bit her lip seductively and toyed with the necklace, obviously enjoying his noticeable agony. Just as quickly, she'd moved on to greet Serena, apparently satisfied with the damage she'd caused. Chuck shook his head as if it would wash away the multitude of images and emotions newly provoked in him. He almost jumped when he felt a touch on his shoulder. "Oh! I'm sorry Charles, I didn't mean to startle you," Eliza said with a giggle and she leaned in to place a quick peck on his lips. He pulled her in closer and returned her kiss with more intensity than she'd expected, trying to force himself to feel something-_anything_-for her and not the bewitching brunette across the room. With a satisfied sigh, she pulled back, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "What was that for?" she asked coyly, plainly happy to have everyone see him lavish her with affection. "Oh nothing," Chuck lied, as he suppressed the urge to check for signs of jealousy in his former lover. "Come now, my dear Eliza," he continued, "I think it's high time I find myself another drink."

* * *

Chuck leaned against the bar in the far corner of the room, attempting to drown his anger in scotch. The evening had been progressing at a painstakingly slow pace and he was desperate for anything to keep his eyes and mind off of Blair. It infuriated him the effect she had on him, clearly no different today than that fateful night at Victrola. Through his life, Chuck had prided himself on his ability to remain detached. Women flocked to _him_ and couldn't get _him_ and _his "abilities"_ out of their mind, not the other way around. Except, of course, with Blair. Just _thinking_ about being with her caused him to lose some semblance of control and he narrowed his eyes, determined to keep her image from doing it now. He was so lost in his thoughts that he failed to notice Prescott join him at the bar. "Enjoying the scenery?" Prescott asked, innuendo in his voice. Chuck shifted his eyes, irritated he now had to play nice with the obnoxious man. "No, just solving world hunger," he replied with a mocking tone. Prescott laughed his insufferable chortle. "Well then, my good man, you're just the one to help me solve all my problems." Chuck raised an eyebrow, hoping the man was only joking. Prescott continued. "Of course, I know what an expert you are when it comes to women. Even in your reformed life of monogamy, your reputation precedes you," he said with a barely noticeable twinge of envy. Chuck swallowed hard, quickly aware of where this conversation was headed. With no obvious route for escape, he just nodded, hoping his silence could help end what was inevitably going to turn into a nauseating discussion. Prescott took a drink from his bourbon and let out a disgusted sigh. "This _woman_," he started as he gestured rudely to Blair across the room, "she's _maddening_. She knows everything to do to turn any man on-how she's dressed, how she looks at you, how she moves when she walks-but after almost three weeks…nothing. Where does she get off being such an epic tease?" His last words came out in clear exasperation and Chuck stifled a laugh, enjoying his lawyer's undoing and reassured to find out Blair hadn't sunk so low to sleep with the sleazy man. "Well," he replied casually, "as far as I can remember, Blair has always been a true lady. Word has it her first boyfriend back in school had to wait for _years_." He emphasized the last word and watched gleefully as Prescott's face fell. "I expected a little less prudish behavior from a woman who was stupid enough to get pregnant out of marriage." A muscle in Chuck's jaw flinched in warning at the appalling comment, protectiveness for Blair surging in him. "I'll tell you one thing," Prescott continued unaware, as he surveyed the rest of the ballroom, "if something doesn't happen soon, I may have to 'acquaint' myself with one of these other ladies while I wait. You know how it is." He sent a knowing glance to Chuck. Sure he was going to break the glass in his hand, Chuck placed the highball back on the bar with as much restraint as possible. Not only had the ass just tried to compare the two men as if Chuck were anything like the shady man, but he'd readily admitted that Blair was barely anything more to him than a conquest. "No Prescott," he responded through gritted teeth, "I'm not sure I do." Without picking up on his venomous tone, Prescott gave a scoff. "Oh, come off it Bass. You expect me to believe you've never been dipping into a few pools at once? You practically wrote the Cliff's Notes on womanizing back in your heyday." He laughed annoyingly as he playfully clocked Chuck on the shoulder. "Let me know if you decide to give up some of your trade secrets and help me in my quest to bag the lovely Blair," he remarked as he left to mingle with Nate at a nearby table. Chuck fumed, the man's crass words branding a hole in his mind. How dare he talk about Blair like _that_. Enough was enough. Game or not, he was going to be sure she was done with Prescott Forbes. He quickly scanned the room for Eliza and, once satisfied she was distracted, he sought out Blair. Finally he located her, waltzing around the dance floor with Cyrus, happily chatting with her step-father. As she saw him approach, her eyes clouded. "Cyrus, my good man," Chuck began, speaking in a manner to give the small man no choice. "May I cut in and enjoy the company of my old friend?" With a quick glance at Blair to be sure she was fine, Cyrus warily relinquished his spot to Chuck. As she allowed her hand to be enfolded by his, he felt an unexpected surge of electricity, and the look in her eyes conveyed she had as well. He quickly collected himself before placing the other hand on her back, aware that the touch of her soft skin could be like kryptonite. The two soon fell into an easy rhythm and Chuck felt enough confidence to break the silence. "Nice necklace," he said sarcastically, unsure why, of everything he wanted to say, those were his first words. "It's always ensured me a good time before…maybe Prescott can continue the tradition…" She trailed off, waiting for a reaction. "I doubt it," Chuck replied more coolly than he thought possible. "Beside," he continued, "it's laughable that you'd actually think I'd believe you're considering touching that despicable worm." He paused as he watched her face fall slightly. "Seriously Blair, aren't we done with this little game yet? This isn't high school. You've had your fun but now it's time to throw Prescott back into the hole he belongs. You don't know him like I do." Blair's eyes flashed with anger. "You know Chuck? It must be nice to live in a world where you think everything I do is geared at playing some game with you. I hate to break it to you, but I am a grown woman and I will see whomever and _do _whatever I like with them. Thank you for trusting my judgment." With that, she broke their embrace and walked off the floor, bee-lining for Prescott. Chuck watched as she leaned into him suggestively, whispering something into his ear. The change in his face left little question to what Blair was surely promising and Chuck watched incredulously as the duo gathered their belongings. In his stupidity, he'd actually managed to push her closer to the bastard. As they walked past, Prescott hung back and threw a too-friendly arm around him. "I don't know what you said…but you have my eternal thanks," he said with lust in his voice. Unsure of how to stop the impending train-wreck, he watched helplessly, jaw clenched, as the two left. Eliza joined him, lacing her arm in his. "Those two make such a nice couple," she remarked, having also just witnessed Blair's departure. Chuck turned and led Eliza to the dance floor, muttering "if you say so…" almost inaudibly under his breath.


	26. in progress, aka, my apology

**Wow-I got so many new adds and a few nice comments since I last was here…I didn't think anyone was even following this one anymore (beside-the last time I tried to pick it up I had some major block!) I apologize to my beloved readers-life has been more than a little crazy with the end of my third year and begining now of my fourth year of medical school-I promise I will update as soon as I finish boards and get settled into my next rotation! Until then, _ONQ_**


	27. adieu for now

**Sad Face…**

To any readers this very bad girl may have left, I send my apologies for being away from this piece for SOOO long. As any who've read my profile know, I am currently training to become a physician and my life has been beyond insane since my last chapter. I have used this as an outlet so many times and was trying desperately to come back to my first creation. However, I've hit a proverbial block and have struggled to come up with the next path for the piece. I know where I'm trying to go but I've been having a heck of a time getting there and have decided to put _Inexplicable Forces_ on hold indefinitely. My honest hope and desire to come back to it one day when I have more time to really flesh out what the trouble spot is, but if I were to post now, it wouldn't do what I hope is an otherwise touching story justice. That said, I do have plans to keep writing, but I'll be starting with a fresh piece…and who knows? Maybe this will be all I need to get jump-started on this one…thanks to everyone for your comments, encouragement, and patience…hopefully you'll join me in my other creative adventures!


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